At 9 I heard, my Abba Father, call out my name. I was in the garden, I ran into our home. I heard my name there too, so I ran out again and heard it again. I did not know Who it was and being terrified I ran away. I heard the loudest laugh I ever will hear. I can still hear the echo of that laugh.
As a kid, Jesus would always visit me in my dreams. At 14 was the last time I saw Jesus in my dream. Jesus told me I was forgiven and I asked about the future and Jesus said for all. I saw Jesus smile that beautiful smile.
As a kid, Jesus would always visit me in my dreams. At 14 was the last time I saw Jesus in my dream. Jesus told me I was forgiven and I asked about the future and Jesus said for all. I saw Jesus smile that beautiful smile.
At times, I wondered where life was taking me. There was this day, when in my dream, I received Jesus in Communion. Jesus came to me. It was real. I know it was. I thought of my nothingness and that Jesus should come to me. From that day on things would never be the same. This happened to me twice.
Jesus did not condemn me or tell me what I must do to come to Him. No, He came to me, He strengthened me with feeding Himself to me. He understood and loved me. He forgave me with no conditions attached-with no condemnation. HE loved me. I mattered to HIM.
So I must do likewise. Love all with no condemnation.
Jesus strengthened me with Himself. He walked with me, showing how Love must feel and all the time loving me.
When the heart is mended with love, it learns with the tenderness and compassion of the Holy Spirit to discern the right from the wrong. The spirit of God does not call me ‘hey sinner’, neither is the spirit of God impatient. He waits with me, showing me the correct path, always gently leading me with the right thing to be done. And if I do the wrong, not leaving me with ultimatums. No the Spirit of God is not like that.
He is gentle, lifts me up with gentleness and treats me kind. When I am loved, I see my faults, for what they are and how they hurt God. Then the realization of my being loved in spite of my awful behaviour, awakens the understanding of what it means to be forgiven. And I must do likewise.
God loves me, He makes me understand and see my faults for what they are and what they do to my soul-with no condemnation, He makes me see that it is not my sin that matters to Him but my love for Him.
When you tell a person that they matter and not the wrong things that they did or do, you tell them how much you really love them. Jesus taught me how to love everybody.
I am a sinner, a wretched one at that. But, the Almighty God does not condemn me. He forgives. I am FORGIVEN.
So I say to you, when Jesus waits for you, HE does not wait to remind you of any sins. He just wants to hold you and tell you, that you are loved. Let His love fill you. Let it heal your wounds. If someone reminds you of your sins, let them be. One who knows God and truly understands Him will see the God in you. We are made in His image and likeness. We are made to represent Him to each other with love! Let love fill your heart today! Come! Be the best Jesus you can be. Heal the world! Heal the aching heart.
The Holy Kiss!
Please as you read, you might want to discontinue. The words are not harsh. There is a message here and forgiveness is vital.
Today the 6th of October, I know this must be added. I have waited on the Lord. It is never my intention to cause harm.
Day 15th May, 2018 - I was told to stand separately. It was humiliating, my only joy was I was in close proximity to my Lord (Holy Eucharist). When Fr. Ashlyn finished praying over others, he walked off as if I was not there. I spoke aloud and asked for his blessings. He did not pray over me but he was forced to give his blessings. Test of patience and blessing-it is the wait that has been long. The will of God. One of the phases of wrestling with God. All that matters is that I got the blessings of God.
Day19th June, 2018 - Told to go and sit. Everybody gets prayed over, I am the one denied.
Day 10th July, 2018 - Told to go and sit. Everybody gets prayed over, I am the one denied.
Day 7th August, 2018 – Told to go and sit. Everybody gets prayed over, I am the one denied.
Day 28th August, 2018 – Told to go and sit. Everybody gets prayed over, I am the one denied.
Day 4th September, 2018 - Told to sit. Everybody gets prayed over, I am the one denied.
Day 11th September, 2018
Fr. Ashlyn in his homily spoke on Mary and Grace.
During the homily Fr. Ashlyn mentioned the devil and he pointed out to where I was sitting. I don’t know if people noticed but I chose to lovingly ignore it.
After the final blessing, Fr. Ashlyn was offering everyone a pack with candle in it, salt, holy water, oil and incense. The thing is my cousin loves blessed candle and holy water. And the Easter candle that we bring home. He lights up our home with candles. It looks so pretty.
Fr. Ashlyn explains that a pinch of the blessed salt must be mixed in the holy water and sprinkled around one’s home. The blessed candle should be lighted too. This is to ward off evil. And one should bless themselves with oil in the morning and the night to protect oneself from evil.
Fr. Ashlyn makes a request for everyone to stand in a line and that everyone would get one. And he explained that one must take it for oneself and not take additional for-other members at home. And He requested that no one rush up. I am a shy person so for me to stand in a queue to take something for free is that much difficult. So imagine, this I get there, Fr. Ashlyn tells me to go away and does not give me the pack at all. It kind of is like the scene where the hungry person (beggar) stands and looks at the fancy food in the restaurant and the person in charge comes telling the person to get lost. Here I am, the beggar. He shewed me off? How must I feel? I have done no wrong to deserve this. I decide that I must talk to know what the problem is. I wait patiently.
I ask to speak with him. He tells everyone including me to go stand outside, I am sure this is on my account. I have always seen everyone standing in the room and never a queue but today for the first time he asked for this. And when standing out I remind him that we have to talk. That’s when he decides and states 'Don't be pushy.' (A pushy person does not bear insults for more than a year patiently). In a small voice, I tell him 'I have been obedient to you and I am not pushy.' Then, I think okay maybe at the moment I am pushy, so just to let him see that I mean no harm, I let others go in and I choose to be the last one. While he attends to everyone inside. He comes out and tells me to stop creating a scene. And honestly I am by the grace of God a very patient person and I don’t create scenes. I will bear injustice and in this case I have with God’s will and grace for more than a year. When God says get up and say something, I do.
Fr. Ashlyn, tells me ‘God does not want you here’. I told him ‘how come, God tells you that and He does not tell me that’.
He retorted ‘are you questioning my authority’?
I said 'no, I am in obedience.’
Then he rudely says, ‘I don’t want you coming here or Hope centre at all.’
I asked ‘why do you hate me.’
He walks away. Not answering my question.
I begin to sob uncontrollably because I have never felt more alone and rejected than this moment by God completely.
I mean who ever tells you that God does not want you coming to Church/Chapel or come for a prayer gathering? Who treats anyone so badly and why?
I have done him no wrong. So here I am, Oh God Almighty, in each and every time denied my rights in Your Holy Church, in Your Holy presence. I ask for Your will. Help me, save me from this injustice.
Two ladies saw me sobbing and they ask me what happened? I found it hard to speak. For the first five minutes words did not come out. I was crying out of disbelief that one could be so cruel. Jordan from Fr. Ashlyn’s team tells them to leave. They tell him we are just speaking. He tells them to go home. They don’t know what has happened and want to take me to Father. And I say no, remembering what happened moments back when he said that I was creating a scene. And they tell him there is a problem. He asks them is it your problem? They say no. He then tells them to leave. Not that I wanted to speak with Fr. Ashlyn again because then that would be completely wrong. Jordan and the converted Catholic guy both were there when Fr. Ashlyn was distributing the-whatever you call it….Both saw what Fr. Ashlyn did but both of them turned a blind eye towards whatever happened. And Jordan did not do the right thing and he was advising and expecting these two ladies to do the same.
Day 28th August, 2018 – Told to go and sit. Everybody gets prayed over, I am the one denied.
Day 4th September, 2018 - Told to sit. Everybody gets prayed over, I am the one denied.
Day 11th September, 2018
Fr. Ashlyn in his homily spoke on Mary and Grace.
During the homily Fr. Ashlyn mentioned the devil and he pointed out to where I was sitting. I don’t know if people noticed but I chose to lovingly ignore it.
After the final blessing, Fr. Ashlyn was offering everyone a pack with candle in it, salt, holy water, oil and incense. The thing is my cousin loves blessed candle and holy water. And the Easter candle that we bring home. He lights up our home with candles. It looks so pretty.
Fr. Ashlyn explains that a pinch of the blessed salt must be mixed in the holy water and sprinkled around one’s home. The blessed candle should be lighted too. This is to ward off evil. And one should bless themselves with oil in the morning and the night to protect oneself from evil.
Fr. Ashlyn makes a request for everyone to stand in a line and that everyone would get one. And he explained that one must take it for oneself and not take additional for-other members at home. And He requested that no one rush up. I am a shy person so for me to stand in a queue to take something for free is that much difficult. So imagine, this I get there, Fr. Ashlyn tells me to go away and does not give me the pack at all. It kind of is like the scene where the hungry person (beggar) stands and looks at the fancy food in the restaurant and the person in charge comes telling the person to get lost. Here I am, the beggar. He shewed me off? How must I feel? I have done no wrong to deserve this. I decide that I must talk to know what the problem is. I wait patiently.
I ask to speak with him. He tells everyone including me to go stand outside, I am sure this is on my account. I have always seen everyone standing in the room and never a queue but today for the first time he asked for this. And when standing out I remind him that we have to talk. That’s when he decides and states 'Don't be pushy.' (A pushy person does not bear insults for more than a year patiently). In a small voice, I tell him 'I have been obedient to you and I am not pushy.' Then, I think okay maybe at the moment I am pushy, so just to let him see that I mean no harm, I let others go in and I choose to be the last one. While he attends to everyone inside. He comes out and tells me to stop creating a scene. And honestly I am by the grace of God a very patient person and I don’t create scenes. I will bear injustice and in this case I have with God’s will and grace for more than a year. When God says get up and say something, I do.
Fr. Ashlyn, tells me ‘God does not want you here’. I told him ‘how come, God tells you that and He does not tell me that’.
He retorted ‘are you questioning my authority’?
I said 'no, I am in obedience.’
Then he rudely says, ‘I don’t want you coming here or Hope centre at all.’
I asked ‘why do you hate me.’
He walks away. Not answering my question.
I begin to sob uncontrollably because I have never felt more alone and rejected than this moment by God completely.
I mean who ever tells you that God does not want you coming to Church/Chapel or come for a prayer gathering? Who treats anyone so badly and why?
I have done him no wrong. So here I am, Oh God Almighty, in each and every time denied my rights in Your Holy Church, in Your Holy presence. I ask for Your will. Help me, save me from this injustice.
Two ladies saw me sobbing and they ask me what happened? I found it hard to speak. For the first five minutes words did not come out. I was crying out of disbelief that one could be so cruel. Jordan from Fr. Ashlyn’s team tells them to leave. They tell him we are just speaking. He tells them to go home. They don’t know what has happened and want to take me to Father. And I say no, remembering what happened moments back when he said that I was creating a scene. And they tell him there is a problem. He asks them is it your problem? They say no. He then tells them to leave. Not that I wanted to speak with Fr. Ashlyn again because then that would be completely wrong. Jordan and the converted Catholic guy both were there when Fr. Ashlyn was distributing the-whatever you call it….Both saw what Fr. Ashlyn did but both of them turned a blind eye towards whatever happened. And Jordan did not do the right thing and he was advising and expecting these two ladies to do the same.
- Failure to do the right thing. Failure to show mercy.
- Advising two other people to do the wrong thing as well.
Jordan is from Mt. Carmel leader of the prayer group I think and also a team member of Fr. Ashlyn. He leads with singing for the Charismatic group. He suggests these two women who have come to help me, to leave. I am in a complete hell by myself. Their presence made my feeling of hell a little less. And here is a charismatic person who should have understood my plight. But he had a heart of stone-principles meant more than love and mercy. I asked him where your Christianity (compassion) is. Is this what we Christians do? I told him, ‘I never expected this from you’. I saw his face. Watching him hurt, I felt hurt. He let me down so badly. I really did not expect it from him.
Nowadays team and team members are more important than sheep’s. And yes benefactors are important too. Ask Fr. Ashlyn, he places a high priority on them. He forgets they are there because God sends them. I am poor, rubbish what can I give? He thinks of me as the devil. When I come for help from God, shouldn’t I be prayed over and encouraged to come for more of the prayer meetings. Shouldn’t he pray over me-because I do need his prayers if I am the evil that he thinks I am or the sinner that I am. I need more prayers than all his people who come to him? Shouldn’t I have been given the oil and holy water as explained that it protects from evil. Didn’t he want me to be protected from evil?
He is of the healing and deliverance ministry? How come I am told that God does not want me here there or anywhere? I need God. I am completely broken. It’s going to take me a very long time to get over this hurt. I am a sinner a wretched one at that. But I am not evil. God dwells in me. Fr. Ashlyn judged me. I did only what I was told to do. I obeyed God. God knows my wretchedness.
(It’s going to take me a very long time to get over this hurt.---Each time, I relied on my own strength to get up from all the nastiness that people threw over me. Today, I realize I get up with the strength of the Almighty God. Nearly 3 months later I realize. Day 1st December, 2018.
(It’s going to take me a very long time to get over this hurt.---Each time, I relied on my own strength to get up from all the nastiness that people threw over me. Today, I realize I get up with the strength of the Almighty God. Nearly 3 months later I realize. Day 1st December, 2018.
Day 14th October, I understood a bit but not fully, today I understand completely.)
Two complete strangers came to my rescue. People who did not know me at all.
I have learnt that you never leave a person wounded alone. It is not a Christian thing. It is not a Godly thing either. We are meant to heal the broken hearted and give strength and encouragement to people who need us and not to turn our back on them. We must build people up with our words and our solidarity and with our time that we give them. I got it from complete strangers.
Fr. Ashlyn had no time to give me but he had 20-25 minutes afterwards to pray with and over his team with having the doors closed. He could bless them. But he found it hard to pray or bless me. I am a worm to him-a wretched worm - that he needs to call as evil and point out to so that nobody has a question.
Abba Father, I have no anger or bitter feeling towards Fr. Ashlyn. But the hurt is terrible Lord. He has discarded me and treated me like I was the devil itself. He has caused me severe hurt and grief. He has called me pushy and Lord I have done what was asked of me. I have never done anything on my own. You are my witness. If I have done anything other than what You stated Lord, Your mercy. I need Your help oh Lord!
I forgive Jordan too. When I was discarded he turned a blind eye in Your Holy presence and his words while they were not intentionally cruel - they were not life giving. I forgive him completely, holding no bitter feeling.
All I need dear God is You.
In my hour of need, these two ladies sat with me and tried to make sense to me. I told them what happened today. I never ever speak but once you are broken you are broken.
One of them actually insisted on giving her packet to me. I told her no thank you. I said that all the love the both of you have given me is more worth than the holy water and oil. Love weighs more than everything. I am grateful to God for both of them Linda and Ida. Whoever they are, they were my Angels. I hugged them both.
Day 25th August, 2017
This message was sent in the evening around 7:00 of the 25th of the last year and the time that I read was the early hours of the 26th. I read the first sentence below and I stopped at the last word -
We regret to inform you of the death of Fr. Ashlyn – As I read this I am in the presence of Abba Father, I cannot see nothing, it’s all space, I know I am there, I am. Abba Father, tells me to read the next word. I am back in me and I look at my cell and I read (Fonseca).
Today the 11th of September, 2018, Abba Father in the morning reminded me of this instance and asked me what I would do if this was the present moment. After a year full of hurt, I told 'Abba Father, I don’t know how to answer that.' I did not really know what I would do.
In the evening when I came back completely broken, Abba Father, asked me again what would you do if that was now? I replied this time and I found it real easy, I said 'I forgive him.' Jesus asked me why? I said, 'that is what You would do. I love You Jesus.'
The hurtful moments began 1st July, 2017 and this trial end date, 11th September, 2018. A whole year of insults. Praise God!
Day 11th September, 2018.
Mass by Fr. Ashlyn – Homily, Mary and Grace
My cousin went to St. Andrews Church after work and prayed to St. Anthony for me. He prayed for me to be led by Grace and to be able to lead others by grace. It is more than a coincidence that grace seems to be the word used by God for the day. Fr. Ashlyn’s homily on Mary and grace and my cousin prayed for grace. God heard his prayer. Only after my cousin told me that he prayed for me and what he asked in prayer did God permit me to speak to tell him.
Today the 11th of September, 2018, Abba Father in the morning reminded me of this instance and asked me what I would do if this was the present moment. After a year full of hurt, I told 'Abba Father, I don’t know how to answer that.' I did not really know what I would do.
In the evening when I came back completely broken, Abba Father, asked me again what would you do if that was now? I replied this time and I found it real easy, I said 'I forgive him.' Jesus asked me why? I said, 'that is what You would do. I love You Jesus.'
The hurtful moments began 1st July, 2017 and this trial end date, 11th September, 2018. A whole year of insults. Praise God!
Day 11th September, 2018.
Mass by Fr. Ashlyn – Homily, Mary and Grace
My cousin went to St. Andrews Church after work and prayed to St. Anthony for me. He prayed for me to be led by Grace and to be able to lead others by grace. It is more than a coincidence that grace seems to be the word used by God for the day. Fr. Ashlyn’s homily on Mary and grace and my cousin prayed for grace. God heard his prayer. Only after my cousin told me that he prayed for me and what he asked in prayer did God permit me to speak to tell him.
When God permitted me to speak, I told him everything about the day and how it was for a year. He couldn’t believe.
The next day I spoke with my mom. My mom told me she would pray for me but wanted to know if I had committed mortal sin. My mom asked me this twice. Normally I tell my mom, it is not your business to ask me such things. I tell her if you want to pray, do pray but I go without answering that question. Now being so hurt, I had no desire to say anything. I told my mom, no mortal sin. When the call ended I thought, here I go, I am judged again. Everyone thinks I am evil.
My mom’s prayers are strong. When she prays, she always gets heard. Her faith is strong. So don’t worry my mom does that to most people, if they ask her to pray, she will ask them if they have sinned? I don’t know what is the obsession with this behaviour?
God loves the sinner. God loves me. I need to now grow with that thought. I have to believe that He wants me. My desire for Him grows with all this around me.
Day 16th September, 2018.
I speak with my mom and she tells me it must be my mistake, I must have said something to the Priest and he must be angry with me for that. I told my mom, I did not say anything. My mom told me once we finish speaking you think about what you spoke. She insisted that it was my mistake. I know I did not say nothing. After that with approval from God, I disconnected my phone completely. No conversations with anyone.
If I cannot come to Church, if I cannot attend prayer meetings or sit in Your Holy presence, where do I go? If I get denied my right of being prayed over and being blessed. What good am I? I am useless therefore oh Holy God permit me death. In and through I can come into Your Holy presence therefore I choose death by Your Holy Will for me.
You asked me Lord, what my thought would be about death. And I replied, I am ready, if it is Your will for me.
The next day I spoke with my mom. My mom told me she would pray for me but wanted to know if I had committed mortal sin. My mom asked me this twice. Normally I tell my mom, it is not your business to ask me such things. I tell her if you want to pray, do pray but I go without answering that question. Now being so hurt, I had no desire to say anything. I told my mom, no mortal sin. When the call ended I thought, here I go, I am judged again. Everyone thinks I am evil.
My mom’s prayers are strong. When she prays, she always gets heard. Her faith is strong. So don’t worry my mom does that to most people, if they ask her to pray, she will ask them if they have sinned? I don’t know what is the obsession with this behaviour?
God loves the sinner. God loves me. I need to now grow with that thought. I have to believe that He wants me. My desire for Him grows with all this around me.
Day 16th September, 2018.
I speak with my mom and she tells me it must be my mistake, I must have said something to the Priest and he must be angry with me for that. I told my mom, I did not say anything. My mom told me once we finish speaking you think about what you spoke. She insisted that it was my mistake. I know I did not say nothing. After that with approval from God, I disconnected my phone completely. No conversations with anyone.
If I cannot come to Church, if I cannot attend prayer meetings or sit in Your Holy presence, where do I go? If I get denied my right of being prayed over and being blessed. What good am I? I am useless therefore oh Holy God permit me death. In and through I can come into Your Holy presence therefore I choose death by Your Holy Will for me.
You asked me Lord, what my thought would be about death. And I replied, I am ready, if it is Your will for me.
Day 7th October, 2018.
After the 09:15 am mass, Aline comes to talk while I am praying. And she asks me as to why Fr. Ashlyn sends me back every time without praying over me. And this was not the first time she asked. Infact people have come and asked me the same thing. How do I explain what I do not know?
I did not reply at first, then she insisted that I must ask him as it is not right to just be treated that way. And then insisting that I must speak with him. I then tell her, that I did and as inquisitive as she is she asked me what was his reply I told her he had no reply but he told me never to come there. She told me to take this matter to the Bishop. She told me not to be quiet about it. I was quiet. What could I say knowing her habit? Then she told me I will pray for you. I thanked her. For a moment I thought did I do the right thing by letting her know. Then I realized I spoke the truth with no bitterness.
Day 14th October, 2018.
Every Sunday morning The Spirit of God directs me what to wear. Today was no different. Jesus reminds me of all the skirts I have and have not worn. I let Jesus look at my heart.
Aline is back again after the 09:15 am mass. I am in prayers after the mass. And as restless and inquisitive as she is her soul can’t find rest without trying to create a stir. She straight away starts with Fr. Ashlyn. As she mentions this, I remind her that I have put this all behind me. I have walked past it. But she certainly hasn’t. She ignores what I have said and continues. She asks me the last year you went for the retreat were things okay. I say yes. Then she continues did he not say anything to you. I reply no. Then she says I think he has a problem with you wearing skirts where your thighs can be seen. (Fr. Ashlyn, never sees it that way. Women they can’t shut up.) I told her if he had a problem I think he would have told me that. Then she continues, all the women are saying and I have seen since all these years your skirts are always showing half of your thighs. You are leading people to sin. I told her straightaway stop being a hypocrite and mind your business and tell your hypocrite friends also to mind theirs. If I wear half way skirts - showing thighs, what is it to you or your friends? God accepts me the way I am.
Then she went on to say, you must have said something to hurt him. I told her, I do not want to hurt him, hence as he said, I have not gone there. Then she pretended as if she was not aware. I told her I haven’t.
For all I know, she must be going every Tuesday and talking sweet with Fr. Ashlyn, telling him stories too. Imagine her telling me to complain to the Bishop and then going to Fr. Ashlyn and talking sweet with him.
That woman...… Imagine her participating in the choir for the 09:15 am mass on both the Sundays and watching me from there and then come running to tell me such things. I mean was she not singing praises to God or was her attention solely on the length of my skirt.
When I was standing by Our Lady, Aline told me she has a book on the topic - leading people to sin. I told her keep it with you. I told her change your attitude.
She tried to instigate me to complain about Father, then insisted that I must go there on Tuesdays and then when that did not work she blamed me for the thing, trying to get me to speak against Father. All she wanted to know was if there were any agendas I had or something I was not telling. Maybe she wanted a deep dark secret. Miserable things that people do.
Really speaking she disturbed me when I was praying and she accuses me of leading people to sin. An irony isn’t it?
When I came out of the Church, I couldn’t believe I had answered someone in the Church itself. Today for the first time, I spoke in the Church. I found my voice in the Church.
Every Sunday morning The Spirit of God directs me what to wear. Today was no different. Jesus reminds me of all the skirts I have and have not worn. I let Jesus look at my heart.
Aline is back again after the 09:15 am mass. I am in prayers after the mass. And as restless and inquisitive as she is her soul can’t find rest without trying to create a stir. She straight away starts with Fr. Ashlyn. As she mentions this, I remind her that I have put this all behind me. I have walked past it. But she certainly hasn’t. She ignores what I have said and continues. She asks me the last year you went for the retreat were things okay. I say yes. Then she continues did he not say anything to you. I reply no. Then she says I think he has a problem with you wearing skirts where your thighs can be seen. (Fr. Ashlyn, never sees it that way. Women they can’t shut up.) I told her if he had a problem I think he would have told me that. Then she continues, all the women are saying and I have seen since all these years your skirts are always showing half of your thighs. You are leading people to sin. I told her straightaway stop being a hypocrite and mind your business and tell your hypocrite friends also to mind theirs. If I wear half way skirts - showing thighs, what is it to you or your friends? God accepts me the way I am.
Then she went on to say, you must have said something to hurt him. I told her, I do not want to hurt him, hence as he said, I have not gone there. Then she pretended as if she was not aware. I told her I haven’t.
For all I know, she must be going every Tuesday and talking sweet with Fr. Ashlyn, telling him stories too. Imagine her telling me to complain to the Bishop and then going to Fr. Ashlyn and talking sweet with him.
That woman...… Imagine her participating in the choir for the 09:15 am mass on both the Sundays and watching me from there and then come running to tell me such things. I mean was she not singing praises to God or was her attention solely on the length of my skirt.
When I was standing by Our Lady, Aline told me she has a book on the topic - leading people to sin. I told her keep it with you. I told her change your attitude.
She tried to instigate me to complain about Father, then insisted that I must go there on Tuesdays and then when that did not work she blamed me for the thing, trying to get me to speak against Father. All she wanted to know was if there were any agendas I had or something I was not telling. Maybe she wanted a deep dark secret. Miserable things that people do.
Really speaking she disturbed me when I was praying and she accuses me of leading people to sin. An irony isn’t it?
When I came out of the Church, I couldn’t believe I had answered someone in the Church itself. Today for the first time, I spoke in the Church. I found my voice in the Church.
Search me, O God, and know my heart! Try me and know my thoughts! And see if there be any wicked way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting! Psalm 139:23-24
Ain't no time to shut up! no more.
Nearly 3 months later I realize. Day 1st December, 2018.
Ain't no time to shut up! no more.
Nearly 3 months later I realize. Day 1st December, 2018.
I believe that everything is God ordained. In the wrestling, God opens a Universe that was unknown to us.
Every Priest is Jesus. And if a Priest wrestles with you, in whatever way you take it, that person is the person of Jesus. It is in losing that one wins. I never thought that Fr. Ashlyn never wanted me there. See for the 1st Saturday, we have to register ourselves through Alan. Alan at first used to send the message a week before. But then he stopped. I would have to tell him that I need to register, then he would send me the message, which would make no sense. The correct order would be-the message to be sent to all and the people who want to register will reply. I felt it weird. But I would go only when told by God.
There is a petition box, everyone places their petitions in it (prayer request). It’s kept just before the Holy Eucharist. I have never placed one. I believe that God hears every little beat of our heart. If you could only know how many times your heart beats and that God has a count of each one of them and of how fondly He listens to each beat then perhaps you would never ever go to the petition box. If He has a count of your heartbeat and a count on the number of hair on our head, then wouldn’t He know what our heart desires and every little wish we have or make? Wouldn’t you just want to whisper out your prayer and leave it to Him?
I have watched God in every phase of my life and in and through my family. We have had our shares of troubles. I have in this letter and in the parts of it mentioned everything that God has bought to my mind. In our struggles as a family, I have seen God work mightily. I will always with the grace of God remember with gratitude everything He has done. I would never put a petition in the box when I know His heart beats in mine.
There are two people who write down, the prayers that have just been (according to them) answered by God or something that needs to be prayed for. They seem to write this when people are praying. When they write, they speak for God (that is what they think) and tell when people are wrong, that they need to do the retreat and also speak with Fr. Ashlyn. And Fr. Ashlyn reads it out to the people.
Isn’t the Christmas Season - The Birth of Jesus, just that? God’s timing.
I have watched God in every phase of my life and in and through my family. We have had our shares of troubles. I have in this letter and in the parts of it mentioned everything that God has bought to my mind. In our struggles as a family, I have seen God work mightily. I will always with the grace of God remember with gratitude everything He has done. I would never put a petition in the box when I know His heart beats in mine.
There are two people who write down, the prayers that have just been (according to them) answered by God or something that needs to be prayed for. They seem to write this when people are praying. When they write, they speak for God (that is what they think) and tell when people are wrong, that they need to do the retreat and also speak with Fr. Ashlyn. And Fr. Ashlyn reads it out to the people.
Fr. Ashlyn always reads these from a book or papers (prayers heard or need to be prayed) they have written in, at the end to which everyone in the presence of the Holy Eucharist applauds as is told after each and every statement that is read. I have never applauded because it was a matter of belief.
You don’t need two people to tell or convince you that God has heard your prayer. It's not a magic show. You have to be convinced that the very first time you prayed, God has heard your prayer and answered it. It won’t happen on your time, but in God’s time. And isn’t that wonderful.
Isn’t the Christmas Season - The Birth of Jesus, just that? God’s timing.
I pray Lord that I could be helpful, may I be of use to You! Luke 17:10 - So you also, when you have done all that is commanded you, say, ‘We are unworthy servants; we have only done what was our duty.’”
Please also continue to read: Wrestle with God...
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