Holy Kiss... Part 1

My People,

Hello! This is one of those beautiful lyrics meant to say – Never give up and certainly don’t give up on Love. Love paves the way to all that is and makes for a wonderful life. This is Celine Dion with "That's The Way It Is"
Mmm, yeah

I can read your mind and I know your story
I see what you're going through, yeah
It's an uphill climb, and I'm feeling sorry
But I know it will come to you, yeah

Don't surrender 'cause you can win
In this thing called love

When you want it the most there's no easy way out
When you're ready to go and your heart's left in doubt
Don't give up on your faith
Love comes to those who believe it
And that's the way it is

When you question me for a simple answer
I don't know what to say, no
But it's plain to see, if you stick together
You're gonna find a way, yeah

So don't surrender 'cause you can win
In this thing called love

When you want it the most there's no easy way out
When you're ready to go and your heart's left in doubt
Don't give up on your faith
Love comes to those who believe it
And that's the way it is

That's the way it is

When life is empty with no tomorrow
And loneliness starts to call
Baby, don't worry, forget your sorrow
'Cause love's gonna conquer it all, all

When you want it the most there's no easy way out
When you're ready to go and your heart's left in doubt
Don't give up on your faith
Love comes to those who believe it
And that's the way it is

That's the way it is
(that the way it is)
That's the way it is, babe
(that the way it is)

Don't give up on your faith
Love comes to those who believe it
And that's the way it is.

In this letter, I have written as always directed by the Spirit of God. I have been directed to post this together so that there is an order in which they come under. I do hope for you to read in that pattern so that it would make sense. The Peace of the Lord be with you and your loved ones!

Spiritual wavering is when we go back and forth in believing the promises of God.

Abraham didn't let unbelief or doubtful thoughts cause him to waver in his words, actions and resolve. Put your faith into action by thanking and praising GOD all throughout the day!

My dad was in a hurry to get to work and there was no need to be. He had some kind of vision of Mama Mary before he could start his car. I am not very clear on that aspect of it. But his lack of patience made him start it anyway. The car moved forward and was going to hit the wall of our garage. My dad saved the wall. Then it moved downward and was going to hit someone else's car. My dad went to stop the car again and got his bone crushed in that attempt. My dad, had his left leg (lower part, middle of the bone) completely crushed in the accident, the doctors told him that he would need to have his leg amputated. His leg was completely swollen. But my dad, refused to believe that would be the only alternative. So no matter what the doctors said, and no matter how horrible a condition, my dad was in he refused to give up. When you believe in God, the way my dad did, miracles are bound to happen. Someone, informed my dad of some other doctor. And long story, short, my dad walks.
Those were tough days for my parents. My mum had a dream where she saw a coffin. And she tried calling my dad and there was no answer. Part of her dream was true. My dad was in a serious condition and it was Mama Mary who saved my dads life. From the airport and on the way to the hospital by Ambulance, my dad made a stop to see the new born, my younger brother. My dad wanted to see him before being operated.
Everything in the end worked out well. Praise God!

A long time back, my mom was diagnosed with womb cancer. Doctor advised removal of the womb.
I remember my mom took me and my brother Adrian to St. Anthony of St. Andrew’s Church and asked us to pray. She never did tell us what we must pray for. I looked at St. Anthony and asked ‘please give mummy what mummy wants’. My mom was completely cured. After the healing, my parents were blessed with Anthony, Aure and Andrew.
I remember huge blood clots everywhere, my mom had 2 miscarriages, my brothers-Allan and Alex who are now in Heaven and along with my brother Adrian.

My brother Adrian, had always some condition effecting him when small. We would have to leave everything we did and leave the fastest. So we were on our toes always. Sometimes the problem would stop after medication and sometimes just when we were on our way.

Another instance is when we came to Mumbai and of a sudden my brothers mouth was completely sealed. We went to so many doctors that day. After roaming the entire day one doctor succeeded in getting my brothers mouth opened.

This is the 13th year since my brother got called to be with the Lord. 

We lived through some really tough days. I have been blessed with parents who believe. I learnt faith watching them.

These are some of the shifting phases of life-

I for one believe that when a snap is clicked it must show the real you. But these days all the cameras have additional features added to them, so much so that these features – make a person’s face look smooth without blemish and fair.

I love to bake. Just the thought that I could go ahead with baking something is enough to make me feel oh so excited.
But if you look carefully, you wouldn’t know a cake from a cookie or a chocolate from an ice-cream. You never know till you take that bite. Ice-creams come as fillings in cakes or biscuits. Cakes are decorated with biscuits and chocolates as toppings. So much so that, you buy a chocolate only to know you have just eaten a biscuit.

There was a time, when one could never have thought that one could have a swimming pool built on the terrace of a building?

Over the years the cell has had so many additional features apart from the greatest feature being able to call from just anywhere. The increase in GB’s meant that one could store movies, play games and even watch and play while travelling. The tussle between the competitors increased.
If you have got a 20 year old cell in working condition then you must have noticed that the reception and clarity is unbeatable especially in a stormy weather. I’ll tell you, your new cell does not stand a chance. All the additional features make it a failure. Initially there was never a compromise made with quality. The inbuilt mechanism of the old made it a winner. Something the new cells with a gazillion additions simply fail doing.

Over the years people have gotten greedy. People expect more out of little. To get something people are ready to compromise on just about anything.
It’s the world of buy 2 get one free. Recently I came across buy 1 get 1 free. Of course there is always a catch.

All this talk and you may have wondered why am I talking in such a bizarre manner? And yes it sounds that way? Doesn’t it? But I’m getting there.

The concept of the bridal veil.
The weddings these days and what I have noticed of is that anyone could just come and lift the veil of the bride and kiss her (on the cheek). I mean that is not what the veil is for and if just anybody is going to come and lift it then it beats the reason why it is worn. But people these days follow traditions blindly without knowing the significance of it. How truly dumb.
The bridal veil shows the modesty and purity of the bride and her reverence for God.
The father of the bride lifts the veil when he gives her away, presenting the bride to her groom.
The other is for the bride to keep her veil over her face during the ceremony, then have the groom lift it after both the bride and groom have exchanged vows and have been announced by the Priest as husband and wife. The husband would then do the honours.
Another way is to hand your bouquet to your maid of honour and lift the veil yourself before the exchange of the vows begins.

At one of the weddings and also on Facebook, when the Priest turned the couple kissed on the lips in the Church. Is this allowed? I don’t think it is an honourable act in the presence of God. Love HONOURS God as He is the ONE Who blesses the union.
How stupid it looks when we think we can cheat God. Where reverence to God is absent-love becomes a lie.

Love and Honour God and your love will be the story of a lifetime. 

We have forgotten how to live simple lives. 

I write as to what the Spirit of God leads me to understand. 

When you really love someone…it can’t be from your heart. It must come from the heart of God.

Do continue to READ…………………………..

Holy Kiss... Part 2

Over the years, we as people have implemented numerous changes to our lifestyles. Most of which make for a better living and easy mode of life. We are becoming a comfort minded people, a people who want everything at a press of a button.

I am amazed at the number of prayer books that are made available. I mean there are morning prayers, evening prayers, night prayers, prayers in sorrow, prayers for; there are numerous reasons and numerous prayers. There are so many novenas and so many different ways of praying the Rosary. My goodness….
My favourite one is the one prayer, Our Lord gave us, the Our Father. How wonderful it is to call on ‘Our Father’, my Abba Father. And I always love the pace with which Fr. Reuben leads with my favourite prayer in the whole world. I love to pray every word, because every word has a deeper meaning in the prayer. And that’s what Fr. Reuben does. He is loud and clear.
I also love the Anima Christi and St. Francis of Assisi prayer. I love these prayers extremely. It fills my heart with extreme joy when I pray. Among other prayers, these are my favourites. 

The Saints are here to help us, to lead us to God. 

To believe, one does not need to go from one church to the other. Every Church is the same, be it Mt. Mary or Mt. Carmel. Jesus and His Mother Mary are the same. The location may differ but when we call on God, He listens to us most attentively. He never knows how to ignore.

Over time we have made so many compromises concerning the sacredness and have been irreverent of the presence of God in the Church. A Church is not built so as to be lavish in looks.
All of Mangalore is focused on building lavish Churches.
A Church is the presence of God’s people in attendance to praise and worship Him. He comes down on the Altar, and the bread and wine now become the Body and Blood of Christ. He does this so that we can be fed with Him for our protection against the evil in the world.
Between the Church of the old and us, there is a whole world of difference. They gave their lives to each other. They had LOVE.

We are a sad example of Christianity. I see the same faces in the different groups in the Church. Maybe you see nothing wrong with that. And I do not speak of all, but there are many who forget their responsibilities towards their families. They have given other things more priority in their life. I understand the seniors, what about the others?
If you are married and are working, that leaves very little time for the house work to be done. It leaves very little time to be having a conversation with your spouse or the children? But you’d rather be in the Church in every group? Why is that? Do you think you do this out of love for Jesus?
Aren't we convenient Christians?
Matthew 5:48 states - You, therefore, must be perfect, as your heavenly Father is perfect.
In a family, we must give our very best to each and every member. A whole Hundred percent and nothing less. We are not perfect, but we sure must try. It is in trying that we succeed with the grace of God.
Marriage means being there for each other. Together it is a prayer that is right at the heart of God. It is that candle that spreads its light for everyone to see. Love is the essence of that marriage. How can God not be the centre of that marriage that is rooted in obedience?
Yes, OBEDIENCE is the key.
Space and Sea, the depths are immeasurable. We have yet to conquer space and master the sea. And there is always something that makes it seem, we are one step closer but in reality we are miles away.
Since the beginning of time, man has set to change what in his power and ability he could.
We are constantly going through change and at warp speed. We are implementing change at the rate of losing our integrity, our humanity, our compassion and our lack of concern for our fellow brethren. We fail to love. 

We are creating human look alike android life forms and we want plastic to have emotions or rather learn emotions when we fail to have one for our fellow brethren. Maybe we can teach them what it is to feel and then relearn from them what it means to express our love for our fellow brethren.

We have to be content with what we are given, what we have and the knowledge that the Almighty God knows best.

We have forgotten how it is to be happy. We prolong or procrastinate our happiness, we think about tomorrow, when we are not certain about today. We have forgotten that today is a day to celebrate and live to the fullest, giving God the complete credit and thanksgiving knowing fully well that there is never another today. Today is what I have in hand and it can never be replaced. All my dreams, all is today.

Memories they are the most wonderful thing, God has given us. We can choose to live with them the way we want to. We can use them to walk on the right path and make life better for others or we can choose to be grumpy bitter and always choosing to look at the worst points of life.

This is one of those memories that I look back on fondly. I remember in Mangalore, whenever there were any occasions, all the relatives and neighbours would come to help. Everyone would help with the preparation for the meals. Whatever the occasion, you could count on everyone to help. So if you ran short on knives then the other person would get whatever they had. Everybody helped. Those memories of community love, they will remain in my heart forever. 

These days everyone wants the celebrations held outside. Everyone wants to outdo the other. Competition is such it always brings the darker side of the personality in full view.

We cannot go back to the times when love was all we desired. I hope you do understand.

• The mode of travel for people were Horses and boats. With time, there were Ships, vehicles like cars, bus, trains and Planes.
• Men had to go hunting and women had to cook and then think of how to preserve the food depending on the seasons and the area they lived in. These days one can go to the market or simply place order for food. There are all kinds of gadgets to speed up the cooking process. 
• If you had to get news of your loved one you had to wait for weeks or even months, sometimes the message took nearly a year to reach. With the invention of the Telephone things got better, but for limited people. But the invention of the cell clearly is the winner.  No more waiting, instant messages, instant calls.
  

Tell me, what happens when everything gets done instantly? Tell me how the future generation is going to be able to write anything or make sense for that matter. In WhatsApp they use TU for thank you or WC for welcome. We have become habituated to the easy way of life and of course the shortcuts.

What if there is a major break down in the satellite? What happens then if we are unable to communicate with each other or get things done the way we are so used to?
We have upgraded ourselves with the latest of the technological amenities at our disposal. If everything goes away, we would be left defenceless and unable to quickly adapt because we have been accustomed to the instant life? A question to ponder on.

I love watching TCM (Turner classic movies) channel. I have always loved listening to the way they speak. Those days when they made movies, the usage of words was polite and kind. Now the usage is aggressive and abusive. People think it is okay to be abusive. But really if you don’t learn to control your tongue, then most probably one day you will speak plain rubbish with someone you don’t expect to speak with in that kind of manner. And what you speak you become. 

When we have forgotten how to be patient or kind, we have gotten used to place orders to people or with people. We use language such as ‘my way or the high way’. What does this imply? It simply states a sense of pride, a sense that I am not dependent on anyone and I don’t need anyone. I can survive on my own. It states utter selfishness. So we have become heartless and ruthless. Tell me do you see kindness or compassion in the above words used?

The things we have upgraded in ourselves, the behaviour pattern is what we expect from God too. We use the term, God’s will, but we want instant reply from God, as if we are on WhatsApp chat. We put our terms and conditions and the reply must come instantly. But God is not like that.
So when we don’t get it our way, then we think we can bribe God.
How very complicated we have become. And what a mess we have made of this life given to us. We think that we can live life the way we want to and then bribe God. So we give something like 2,22222.00 - figuratively speaking, we want to be remembered with the said amount. That is what was done during the celebration of the mass in Mangalore, the names of the contributors with the amounts were mentioned. Isn’t this vanity?
We think we can bribe and fool God? How can we be so naïve?

With all that man has achieved over time, with the technological advancement, man has forgotten how it is to approach God.
John 13:34 Jesus states: A new commandment I give to you, that you love one another; even as I have loved you, that you also love one another.
Luke 10:27 states: "You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, and with all your soul, and with all your strength, and with all your mind; and your neighbor as yourself."

After death when I am before Jesus, Jesus will ask me only one question, did you love your neighbour. My neighbour could be just anyone, it could be you, it could be the person I am talking to or it could simply be a stranger I just met. It could also mean my brother? Did I give my best to the person? Did I love with all my heart? This is what Jesus will ask me.
We must be like the good Samaritan.

Luke 10:29-"And who is my neighbor?"
30 Jesus replied, "A man was going down from Jerusalem to Jericho, and he fell among robbers, who stripped him and beat him, and departed, leaving him half dead.
31 Now by chance a priest was going down that road; and when he saw him he passed by on the other side.
32 So likewise a Levite, when he came to the place and saw him, passed by on the other side.
33 But a Samaritan, as he journeyed, came to where he was; and when he saw him, he had compassion,
34 and went to him and bound up his wounds, pouring on oil and wine; then he set him on his own beast and brought him to an inn, and took care of him.
35 And the next day he took out two denarii and gave them to the innkeeper, saying, 'Take care of him; and whatever more you spend, I will repay you when I come back.'
36 Which of these three, do you think, proved neighbor to the man who fell among the robbers?"
37 He said, "The one who showed mercy on him." And Jesus said to him, "Go and do likewise."


There are days when I love to take the long way home. I love to walk under the Moon. It has always fascinated me. There is much we learn in the walk. When I take the long way, God walks with me.

Holy Kiss... Part 3

This is something I had missed mentioning in my last letter. I add it here with other aspects of daily life.

Days 19th May, Robert & 21st May, his brother in law (funerals)

26th May, Violet’s funeral mass.
Bishop Savio and Bishop John
Fr. Reuben, Fr. Leonard N, Fr. Ashlyn, Fr. Emmanuel and other Priests.

Day 1st August, 2018 – Bible Class Fr. Byron 1 Corinthian Part. 1
It was wonderful to be part of the bible class. It was wonderful to have Fr. Byron teach.
When coming out of the prayer room, I see Fr. Joe. I am on top of the world and completely overjoyed.

Day 4th August, 2018 – 1st Saturday, Our Lady of Fatima. Fr. Ashlyn. celebration of the mass.

Day 5th August, 2018 – Vianney Sunday.
09:15 mass celebrated – Fr. Reuben, Fr. Alvaro, Fr. Daniel and Fr. Christopher.
I was with my mom and my cousin for the mass.

Day 7th August, 2018 – Prayer Service St. Joseph’s – On the first row when seated I would end up with less of pain than otherwise. Little blessings-how gigantic they really are.
But today when leaving I was in severe pain. I couldn’t walk, it was difficult.

Day 12th August, 2018 – 09:15 am
Celebration of the mass – Fr. Alvaro
I enjoyed the mass.
My mom had been to Mumbai twice, once in June for about 6 days with my brother Anthony. Then my mom came back again in August for some work. Two weeks later she called us telling that her health was not that good and doctor had advised to get admitted for medication.
What began with a thought of wanting to be in Mangalore on Saturday, just grew through the day.
I thought I would stay in Mangalore for about 2 weeks. I told my cousin I would leave on the 15th after the mass or the 16th maybe. Trouble is I have never ever travelled alone. But you have to understand I wanted to be in Mangalore.
As I received Communion from Fr. Reuben, I felt the Peace of Heaven. It all began from this moment...
On a Sunday after Communion, I felt this Heavenly Peace and as I came home the overwhelming desire to be in Mangalore grew with each moment. Then somewhere in the afternoon, Jesus told me my mom would be completely cured and I did not have to think of going to Mangalore. And immediately after Jesus spoke to me, I stopped thinking about it. And I told my cousin the very same thing.
At around 10:15-10:20 p.m. we received a call stating that my God-Father had left this world.
My cousin when he finished speaking, he broke the news telling me that we will be leaving for Mangalore tomorrow the 13th of August.

Day 13th August, 2018 - We left for Mangalore by Bus.

Day 14th August, 2018
The day of Burial of my God-Father. Mass by Fr. Francis at 04:30 in the evening.
All of the happy memories of childhood with my brother Adrian, my God-Father Victor was a big part of it.. With my God-Father gone, one thing is clear, our relationships are the most precious possessions we have after God. Nothing brings that which is gone. All those precious memories. He would stand with me waiting for my school bus to come. I would eat his head raw with so many questions. I, my brother and Victor my God-Father would love watching horror movies together. There was one night my mom had gone to sleep early and so he held us tight in his arms, because we were kids. But we were stupid kids who loved horror movies.

We were in a car accident together. My mum was driving the car and one of the tyres just burst (the sound was frightening). It fell off a hill and took four or five turns in the air before it fell upside down. I and my brother were seated at the back. My God-Father was in the front seat and he turned to push me back and just in time. As kids, when we got out of the car, we both ran in the direction to tell our dad that we met with an accident. An Arab ran after us and caught hold of us. I think we were both scared. My mom saw a blood stain on my white shirt that I was wearing and she panicked. I told her nothing was wrong with me. In her panic state she believed only when she checked. The cops who came home, to do the report told my mom that we were the luckiest people to come alive out of that accident. He told us that it was an accident spot and people have died and some were severely wounded.
This accident kept us connected to each other knowing how truly blessed we were to come out alive and unscratched. Memories….

Day 16th August, 2018
Months mind mass for my God-Father, Victor.
My mom had to visit the doctor as time given. We went to the hospital. After the reports taken on the day and a visit to the doctor, she looked at the reports and told my mom that the reports were clear. I asked the doctor if my mom would need to be admitted and she told me no. As Jesus promised-a promise delivered.

Day 20th August, 2018 – Fr. Daniels Birthday.

Day 21st August, 2018
My mom had some more tests. Nothing to worry about. Though half part of it would have to be completed tomorrow.
In all the 3 years I have been to Mangalore I have never had the opportunity to go to the Beach. This would have been the third year. God does such wonderful things. Holy is His name! Today the Bus took a different route. The route was new to me and what can I say, we went through the roadway that gave me a wonderful view of the Beach. Praise God! I have travelled so many times from home and back and never ever did the bus ever before take this road. It has for others and today for me God moved the Bus.
Thank You, Abba Father.
Thank You, Jesus.
Thank You, Holy Spirit.

I always happen to notice different kinds of birds. It’s a blessing that God permits me. I have on many such occasions missed clicking a snap. On one such day I saw two Parrots outside my bedroom window. I clicked the snap but let’s say the Parrot was not in the picture. And I had oh I missed it feeling. Abba Father told me ‘it is for you to enjoy.’

Day 22nd August, 2018
Second part of the test conducted. Doctor prescribed medicines and everything with my mum is alright.
I am exhausted. Just before I could heat food for my dad, I saw a Peacock roaming around. I ran in, lifted my cell and walked outside, making sure that I did not create a stir. I began clicking snaps and that instant, I prayed to God, asking that I might watch the Peacock dance. You know I have never seen one. The moment I prayed, the Peacock opened up completely and began to dance. I loved watching the dance, it’s so beautiful and delicate. God made the Peacock dance.
Thank You, Abba Father.
Thank You, Jesus.
Thank You, Holy Spirit.

When I viewed the snaps I realized that they did not come clear because of the distance and neither did I get the video right.
That moment, I realized what Abba Father told me ‘it is for me to enjoy.’
Thank You, Abba Father.
Thank You, Jesus.
Thank You, Holy Spirit.

We came back on the 25th of the month.

Day 26th August, 2018 

09:15 am - Fr. Alvaro.

Day 2nd of September, 2018.
09:15 - Fr. Daniel
I believe the joy of the Lord is my strength.

Day 4th of September, 2018 St. Joseph’s prayer service.
Sr. Cynthia was explaining the Gospel and I was right on the first pew and there was this lady just sitting to my left which is the end of the pew. She answered the call on her cell. Her speaking disturbed me. I told the lady you are troubling me. She took the call then from the left ear. All this in the presence of the Eucharist. She went on talking. Sister was disturbed as the lady continued to talk. I did not want to disturb Sister so I said nothing further.
Nobody understands – that time in Purgatory increases because of the diminishing love and lack of reverence for God.
Morris has a great loud happy voice, the happiest I have heard. It is a very rare thing to find a voice like that. He is the only person I have ever heard lead prayer faithfully without making a show of it or dragging attention to himself. He is mild with his words careful to never utter a mean or harsh word. He is the only gem in Fr. Ashlyn’s team (not counting the religious-Priests or Sister). And yes he is the one percent of the people who do the work in the Church and leave with doing their job. Thank you Morris. I felt blessed! Thank God for you.


Day 8th of September, 2018.

From a distance I hear Fr. Reuben’s voice. I feel wonderful. There is such warmth in his voice.

Day 9th of September, 2018.

09:15 – Fr. Reuben
Me and my cousins. We had a fun day!

Day 16th of September, 2018.
09:15 – Fr. Alvaro
Don’t run away from Church message.
I enjoyed the day. My dearest, sweetest, Fr. Alvaro! My head felt good. I enjoyed my walk back home. I had chocolate and Belgian chocolate ice-creams, my cousins treat. I had double the blessings. A miracle of sorts. It was de-----li----ci---ous!
In all the heartache-total fun day.

Day 20th of September, 2018.
I am told in the evening by God to get off Facebook and WhatsApp. On the 5th of October, God tells me it is okay to reconnect. 

Day 23rd of September, 2018.

09:15 – Fr. Alvaro
Just a wonderful feeling to be a part of Fr. Alvaro’s celebration of the mass. He has so much to say and it is always a joy to listen.
Day 30th of September, 2018.
09:15 – Fr. Alvaro
Day 21st October, 2018.
Fr. Reuben.

Day 22nd October, 2018.

My mom has come and we will be leaving on Day 24th October, 2018 to Dandeli by train.

Day 26th October, 2018.
Roce in Dandeli. I have 12 red glass bangles on my hands and I am very excited. I love the sound so much that I make every one listen to it. And I think I made my mom mad by making her hear it the most. I love glass bangles.
My cousins are the most wonderful people you will ever have the pleasure of meeting. They see good in just about anybody. They speak no ill of anyone, no matter what the person does. I want to be like that. See good in everybody no matter what. With the grace of God.
Fr. Raymond (also family) says something to me in the presence of family that helps in bringing me out of my dead zone. He was kind and sweet to me. Jesus in Fr. Ray lifted me up.

Day 27th October, 2018.
Wedding in Navelim Goa, Our Lady of Rosary Church.
04:30 p.m. by Fr. Raymond and 4 other Priests.
Extremely beautiful church.
I enjoyed the live band at the White House in Goa. I danced my heart and I danced solo. I had lots of fun. Tiresome journey to and from Goa.

Day 28th October, 2018.
Feast of St. Jude and my Dads Birthday.
07:30 Reception in Dandeli.
The weather is extremely cold. I walk it from home, with my cousin Jull and Kho.

When returning me and my cousin walked it out, while the rest of them left by cars. We walked on through the bridge while listening to the waves of the river (the river roar) with the Moon in full swing. The most beautiful walk except I was freezing. But I love to walk given the Moon above. Beautiful, beautiful walk!

Day 30th October, 2018.
We leave from Dandeli-To Mangalore.

Day 6th November, 2018.

Today being the last day of stay in Mangalore. It feels a little bad to leave.

Day 11th November, 2018.
09:15 am – Fr. Reuben (Bare feet)

Fr. Reuben was simply amazing. I enjoyed the celebration of the mass thoroughly. He was on FIRE! Awesome mass! 
When speaking, Fr. Reuben, just casually mentioned something and someone came to speak. I would have loved to answer but I thought they must be in a hurry so I left. 

I remember when speaking with Fr. Reuben the first time, I had asked him a simple question and I was so amazed with the way he answered. It was in complete detail and I loved the way he spoke. An open person with a warm-hearted voice. 

Day 6th November, 2018.

Fr. Lenny’s Birthday! 

Day 9th November, 2018.

Fr. Raymond’s Birthday! 

Day 14th November, 2018.

Fr. Reuben’s Birthday! 

Day 24th November, 2018.

Fr. Byron’s Birthday! 

Day 25th November, 2018.
The feast of Christ the King!
10:15 am - Fr. Daniel
After the mass, we had the Eucharistic Adoration.
Fr. Daniel with the choir.
What I loved the most, is receiving the Blessing.
Thank you, Fr. Daniel.

HOLY KISS!

Paul tells the church four times to greet one another with a holy kiss. 
And 1 Peter 5:14 says - Greet one another with the kiss of love.

Express your love in a holy way for one another. A kiss on the cheek, it shows how precious the other person is and just how much you missed them. 

Include God in your hearts and in your thoughts when you greet one another with this common greeting. Let there be genuine affection for one another.

So 1 Peter 1:22 says, “Having purified your souls by your obedience to the truth for a sincere love of the brethren, love one another earnestly from the heart.”

Peter is calling for Christians to really have changes of heart so that when we approach another Christian, our hearts are drawn out in words of love and earnestness of heart. 

1 Peter 3:8: have unity of spirit, sympathy, love of the brethren, a tender heart and a humble mind. 
I mean, three of those — sympathy, brotherly love, tender heart imply how warm and tender and gentle and kind and affectionate we should be towards each other. Peter wants us to be demonstrative in real affections and that is what we should seek to grow in. 

Always loving with the Heart of God sealed with a Holy Kiss! 

With all my love,
For Love Prevails!
AnitA.


PRAYER: Abba, Father, keep me obedient and always faithful. Remember, this your servant.
Mama Mary keep me humble, I pray. Amen.

Prayer for the souls in PURGATORY:- Our Lord dictated the following prayer to St. Gertrude the Great to release 1,000 Souls from Purgatory each time it is said."Eternal Father, I offer Thee the Most Precious Blood of Thy Divine Son, Jesus, in union with the masses said throughout the world today, for all the holy souls in Purgatory, for sinners everywhere, for sinners in the universal church, those in my own home and within my family. Amen."

The Holy Kiss!

At 9 I heard, my Abba Father, call out my name. I was in the garden, I ran into our home. I heard my name there too, so I ran out again and heard it again. I did not know Who it was and being terrified I ran away. I heard the loudest laugh I ever will hear. I can still hear the echo of that laugh.
As a kid, Jesus would always visit me in my dreams. At 14 was the last time I saw Jesus in my dream. Jesus told me I was forgiven and I asked about the future and Jesus said for all. I saw Jesus smile that beautiful smile.

At times, I wondered where life was taking me. There was this day, when in my dream, I received Jesus in Communion. Jesus came to me. It was real. I know it was. I thought of my nothingness and that Jesus should come to me. From that day on things would never be the same. This happened to me twice. 

Jesus did not condemn me or tell me what I must do to come to Him. No, He came to me, He strengthened me with feeding Himself to me. He understood and loved me. He forgave me with no conditions attached-with no condemnation. HE loved me. I mattered to HIM.

So I must do likewise. Love all with no condemnation.

Jesus strengthened me with Himself. He walked with me, showing how Love must feel and all the time loving me.
When the heart is mended with love, it learns with the tenderness and compassion of the Holy Spirit to discern the right from the wrong. The spirit of God does not call me ‘hey sinner’, neither is the spirit of God impatient. He waits with me, showing me the correct path, always gently leading me with the right thing to be done. And if I do the wrong, not leaving me with ultimatums. No the Spirit of God is not like that.
He is gentle, lifts me up with gentleness and treats me kind. When I am loved, I see my faults, for what they are and how they hurt God. Then the realization of my being loved in spite of my awful behaviour, awakens the understanding of what it means to be forgiven. And I must do likewise.
God loves me, He makes me understand and see my faults for what they are and what they do to my soul-with no condemnation, He makes me see that it is not my sin that matters to Him but my love for Him.
When you tell a person that they matter and not the wrong things that they did or do, you tell them how much you really love them. Jesus taught me how to love everybody.
I am a sinner, a wretched one at that. But, the Almighty God does not condemn me. He forgives. I am FORGIVEN.

So I say to you, when Jesus waits for you, HE does not wait to remind you of any sins. He just wants to hold you and tell you, that you are loved. Let His love fill you. Let it heal your wounds. If someone reminds you of your sins, let them be. One who knows God and truly understands Him will see the God in you. We are made in His image and likeness. We are made to represent Him to each other with love! Let love fill your heart today! Come! Be the best Jesus you can be. Heal the world! Heal the aching heart. 

The Holy Kiss!

Please as you read, you might want to discontinue. The words are not harsh. There is a message here and forgiveness is vital.

Today the 6th of October, I know this must be added. I have waited on the Lord. It is never my intention to cause harm. 
Day 15th May, 2018 - I was told to stand separately. It was humiliating, my only joy was I was in close proximity to my Lord (Holy Eucharist). When Fr. Ashlyn finished praying over others, he walked off as if I was not there. I spoke aloud and asked for his blessings. He did not pray over me but he was forced to give his blessings. Test of patience and blessing-it is the wait that has been long. The will of God.  One of the phases of wrestling with God.  All that matters is that I got the blessings of God.
Day19th June, 2018 - Told to go and sit. Everybody gets prayed over, I am the one denied.
Day 10th July, 2018 - Told to go and sit. Everybody gets prayed over, I am the one denied.

Day 7th August, 2018 – Told to go and sit. Everybody gets prayed over, I am the one denied.
Day 28th August, 2018 – Told to go and sit. Everybody gets prayed over, I am the one denied.
Day 4th September, 2018 - Told to sit. Everybody gets prayed over, I am the one denied.

Day 11th September, 2018
Fr. Ashlyn in his homily spoke on Mary and Grace.
During the homily Fr. Ashlyn mentioned the devil and he pointed out to where I was sitting. I don’t know if people noticed but I chose to lovingly ignore it.
After the final blessing, Fr. Ashlyn was offering everyone a pack with candle in it, salt, holy water, oil and incense. The thing is my cousin loves blessed candle and holy water. And the Easter candle that we bring home. He lights up our home with candles. It looks so pretty.
Fr. Ashlyn explains that a pinch of the blessed salt must be mixed in the holy water and sprinkled around one’s home. The blessed candle should be lighted too. This is to ward off evil. And one should bless themselves with oil in the morning and the night to protect oneself from evil.
Fr. Ashlyn makes a request for everyone to stand in a line and that everyone would get one. And he explained that one must take it for oneself and not take additional for-other members at home. And He requested that no one rush up. I am a shy person so for me to stand in a queue to take something for free is that much difficult. So imagine, this I get there, Fr. Ashlyn tells me to go away and does not give me the pack at all. It kind of is like the scene where the hungry person (beggar) stands and looks at the fancy food in the restaurant and the person in charge comes telling the person to get lost. Here I am, the beggar. He shewed me off? How must I feel? I have done no wrong to deserve this. I decide that I must talk to know what the problem is. I wait patiently.

I ask to speak with him. He tells everyone including me to go stand outside, I am sure this is on my account. I have always seen everyone standing in the room and never a queue but today for the first time he asked for this. And when standing out I remind him that we have to talk. That’s when he decides and states 'Don't be pushy.' (A pushy person does not bear insults for more than a year patiently). In a small voice, I tell him 'I have been obedient to you and I am not pushy.' Then, I think okay maybe at the moment I am pushy, so just to let him see that I mean no harm, I let others go in and I choose to be the last one. While he attends to everyone inside. He comes out and tells me to stop creating a scene. And honestly I am by the grace of God a very patient person and I don’t create scenes. I will bear injustice and in this case I have with God’s will and grace for more than a year. When God says get up and say something, I do.

Fr. Ashlyn, tells me ‘God does not want you here’. I told him ‘how come, God tells you that and He does not tell me that’.
He retorted ‘are you questioning my authority’?
I said 'no, I am in obedience.’
Then he rudely says, ‘I don’t want you coming here or Hope centre at all.’
I asked ‘why do you hate me.’
He walks away. Not answering my question.
I begin to sob uncontrollably because I have never felt more alone and rejected than this moment by God completely.
I mean who ever tells you that God does not want you coming to Church/Chapel or come for a prayer gathering? Who treats anyone so badly and why?
I have done him no wrong. So here I am, Oh God Almighty, in each and every time denied my rights in Your Holy Church, in Your Holy presence. I ask for Your will. Help me, save me from this injustice.

Two ladies saw me sobbing and they ask me what happened? I found it hard to speak. For the first five minutes words did not come out. I was crying out of disbelief that one could be so cruel. Jordan from Fr. Ashlyn’s team tells them to leave. They tell him we are just speaking. He tells them to go home. They don’t know what has happened and want to take me to Father. And I say no, remembering what happened moments back when he said that I was creating a scene. And they tell him there is a problem. He asks them is it your problem? They say no. He then tells them to leave. Not that I wanted to speak with Fr. Ashlyn again because then that would be completely wrong. Jordan and the converted Catholic guy both were there when Fr. Ashlyn was distributing the-whatever you call it….Both saw what Fr. Ashlyn did but both of them turned a blind eye towards whatever happened. And Jordan did not do the right thing and he was advising and expecting these two ladies to do the same.   

• Failure to do the right thing. Failure to show mercy.
• Advising two other people to do the wrong thing as well.

Jordan is from Mt. Carmel leader of the prayer group I think and also a team member of Fr. Ashlyn. He leads with singing for the Charismatic group. He suggests these two women who have come to help me, to leave. I am in a complete hell by myself. Their presence made my feeling of hell a little less. And here is a charismatic person who should have understood my plight. But he had a heart of stone-principles meant more than love and mercy. I asked him where your Christianity (compassion) is. Is this what we Christians do? I told him, ‘I never expected this from you’. I saw his face. Watching him hurt, I felt hurt. He let me down so badly. I really did not expect it from him. 

Nowadays team and team members are more important than sheep’s. And yes benefactors are important too. Ask Fr. Ashlyn, he places a high priority on them. He forgets they are there because God sends them. I am poor, rubbish what can I give? He thinks of me as the devil. When I come for help from God, shouldn’t I be prayed over and encouraged to come for more of the prayer meetings. Shouldn’t he pray over me-because I do need his prayers if I am the evil that he thinks I am or the sinner that I am. I need more prayers than all his people who come to him? Shouldn’t I have been given the oil and holy water as explained that it protects from evil. Didn’t he want me to be protected from evil? 

He is of the healing and deliverance ministry? How come I am told that God does not want me here there or anywhere? I need God. I am completely broken. It’s going to take me a very long time to get over this hurt. I am a sinner a wretched one at that. But I am not evil. God dwells in me. Fr. Ashlyn judged me. I did only what I was told to do. I obeyed God. God knows my wretchedness. 

(It’s going to take me a very long time to get over this hurt.---Each time, I relied on my own strength to get up from all the nastiness that people threw over me. Today, I realize I get up with the strength of the Almighty God. Nearly 3 months later I realize. Day 1st December, 2018.

Day 14th October, I understood a bit but not fully, today I understand completely.)

Two complete strangers came to my rescue. People who did not know me at all.

I have learnt that you never leave a person wounded alone. It is not a Christian thing. It is not a Godly thing either. We are meant to heal the broken hearted and give strength and encouragement to people who need us and not to turn our back on them. We must build people up with our words and our solidarity and with our time that we give them. I got it from complete strangers.

Fr. Ashlyn had no time to give me but he had 20-25 minutes afterwards to pray with and over his team with having the doors closed. He could bless them. But he found it hard to pray or bless me. I am a worm to him-a wretched worm - that he needs to call as evil and point out to so that nobody has a question.

Abba Father, I have no anger or bitter feeling towards Fr. Ashlyn. But the hurt is terrible Lord. He has discarded me and treated me like I was the devil itself. He has caused me severe hurt and grief. He has called me pushy and Lord I have done what was asked of me. I have never done anything on my own. You are my witness. If I have done anything other than what You stated Lord, Your mercy. I need Your help oh Lord! 

I forgive Jordan too. When I was discarded he turned a blind eye in Your Holy presence and his words while they were not intentionally cruel - they were not life giving. I forgive him completely, holding no bitter feeling. 

All I need dear God is You. 

In my hour of need, these two ladies sat with me and tried to make sense to me. I told them what happened today. I never ever speak but once you are broken you are broken. 

One of them actually insisted on giving her packet to me. I told her no thank you. I said that all the love the both of you have given me is more worth than the holy water and oil. Love weighs more than everything. I am grateful to God for both of them Linda and Ida. Whoever they are, they were my Angels. I hugged them both. 

Day 25th August, 2017 

This message was sent in the evening around 7:00 of the 25th of the last year and the time that I read was the early hours of the 26th. I read the first sentence below and I stopped at the last word -

We regret to inform you of the death of Fr. Ashlyn – As I read this I am in the presence of Abba Father, I cannot see nothing, it’s all space, I know I am there, I am. Abba Father, tells me to read the next word. I am back in me and I look at my cell and I read (Fonseca).
Today the 11th of September, 2018, Abba Father in the morning reminded me of this instance and asked me what I would do if this was the present moment. After a year full of hurt, I told 'Abba Father, I don’t know how to answer that.' I did not really know what I would do.
In the evening when I came back completely broken, Abba Father, asked me again what would you do if that was now? I replied this time and I found it real easy, I said 'I forgive him.' Jesus asked me why? I said, 'that is what You would do. I love You Jesus.'
The hurtful moments began 1st July, 2017 and this trial end date, 11th September, 2018. A whole year of insults. Praise God!


Day 11th September, 2018.
Mass by Fr. Ashlyn – Homily, Mary and Grace
My cousin went to St. Andrews Church after work and prayed to St. Anthony for me. He prayed for me to be led by Grace and to be able to lead others by grace. It is more than a coincidence that grace seems to be the word used by God for the day. Fr. Ashlyn’s homily on Mary and grace and my cousin prayed for grace. God heard his prayer. Only after my cousin told me that he prayed for me and what he asked in prayer did God permit me to speak to tell him.

When God permitted me to speak, I told him everything about the day and how it was for a year. He couldn’t believe.
The next day I spoke with my mom. My mom told me she would pray for me but wanted to know if I had committed mortal sin. My mom asked me this twice. Normally I tell my mom, it is not your business to ask me such things. I tell her if you want to pray, do pray but I go without answering that question. Now being so hurt, I had no desire to say anything. I told my mom, no mortal sin. When the call ended I thought, here I go, I am judged again. Everyone thinks I am evil.
My mom’s prayers are strong. When she prays, she always gets heard. Her faith is strong. So don’t worry my mom does that to most people, if they ask her to pray, she will ask them if they have sinned? I don’t know what is the obsession with this behaviour?
God loves the sinner. God loves me. I need to now grow with that thought. I have to believe that He wants me. My desire for Him grows with all this around me.


Day 16th September, 2018.
I speak with my mom and she tells me it must be my mistake, I must have said something to the Priest and he must be angry with me for that. I told my mom, I did not say anything. My mom told me once we finish speaking you think about what you spoke. She insisted that it was my mistake. I know I did not say nothing. After that with approval from God, I disconnected my phone completely. No conversations with anyone.
If I cannot come to Church, if I cannot attend prayer meetings or sit in Your Holy presence, where do I go? If I get denied my right of being prayed over and being blessed. What good am I? I am useless therefore oh Holy God permit me death. In and through I can come into Your Holy presence therefore I choose death by Your Holy Will for me.
You asked me Lord, what my thought would be about death. And I replied, I am ready, if it is Your will for me.

Day 7th October, 2018.

After the 09:15 am mass, Aline comes to talk while I am praying. And she asks me as to why Fr. Ashlyn sends me back every time without praying over me. And this was not the first time she asked. Infact people have come and asked me the same thing. How do I explain what I do not know?

I did not reply at first, then she insisted that I must ask him as it is not right to just be treated that way. And then insisting that I must speak with him. I then tell her, that I did and as inquisitive as she is she asked me what was his reply I told her he had no reply but he told me never to come there. She told me to take this matter to the Bishop. She told me not to be quiet about it. I was quiet. What could I say knowing her habit? Then she told me I will pray for you. I thanked her. For a moment I thought did I do the right thing by letting her know. Then I realized I spoke the truth with no bitterness. 

Day 14th October, 2018.
Every Sunday morning The Spirit of God directs me what to wear. Today was no different. Jesus reminds me of all the skirts I have and have not worn. I let Jesus look at my heart.
Aline is back again after the 09:15 am mass. I am in prayers after the mass. And as restless and inquisitive as she is her soul can’t find rest without trying to create a stir. She straight away starts with Fr. Ashlyn. As she mentions this, I remind her that I have put this all behind me. I have walked past it. But she certainly hasn’t. She ignores what I have said and continues. She asks me the last year you went for the retreat were things okay. I say yes. Then she continues did he not say anything to you. I reply no. Then she says I think he has a problem with you wearing skirts where your thighs can be seen. (Fr. Ashlyn, never sees it that way. Women they can’t shut up.) I told her if he had a problem I think he would have told me that. Then she continues, all the women are saying and I have seen since all these years your skirts are always showing half of your thighs. You are leading people to sin. I told her straightaway stop being a hypocrite and mind your business and tell your hypocrite friends also to mind theirs. If I wear half way skirts - showing thighs, what is it to you or your friends? God accepts me the way I am.
Then she went on to say, you must have said something to hurt him. I told her, I do not want to hurt him, hence as he said, I have not gone there. Then she pretended as if she was not aware. I told her I haven’t.
For all I know, she must be going every Tuesday and talking sweet with Fr. Ashlyn, telling him stories too. Imagine her telling me to complain to the Bishop and then going to Fr. Ashlyn and talking sweet with him.
That woman...… Imagine her participating in the choir for the 09:15 am mass on both the Sundays and watching me from there and then come running to tell me such things. I mean was she not singing praises to God or was her attention solely on the length of my skirt.
When I was standing by Our Lady, Aline told me she has a book on the topic - leading people to sin. I told her keep it with you. I told her change your attitude.
She tried to instigate me to complain about Father, then insisted that I must go there on Tuesdays and then when that did not work she blamed me for the thing, trying to get me to speak against Father. All she wanted to know was if there were any agendas I had or something I was not telling. Maybe she wanted a deep dark secret. Miserable things that people do.
Really speaking she disturbed me when I was praying and she accuses me of leading people to sin. An irony isn’t it?
When I came out of the Church, I couldn’t believe I had answered someone in the Church itself. Today for the first time, I spoke in the Church. I found my voice in the Church.

Search me, O God, and know my heart! Try me and know my thoughts! And see if there be any wicked way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting! Psalm 139:23-24

Ain't no time to shut up! no more.
Nearly 3 months later I realize. Day 1st December, 2018.

I believe that everything is God ordained. In the wrestling, God opens a Universe that was unknown to us.

Every Priest is Jesus. And if a Priest wrestles with you, in whatever way you take it, that person is the person of Jesus. It is in losing that one wins.

I never thought that Fr. Ashlyn never wanted me there. See for the 1st Saturday, we have to register ourselves through Alan. Alan at first used to send the message a week before. But then he stopped. I would have to tell him that I need to register, then he would send me the message, which would make no sense. The correct order would be-the message to be sent to all and the people who want to register will reply. I felt it weird. But I would go only when told by God.

There is a petition box, everyone places their petitions in it (prayer request). It’s kept just before the Holy Eucharist. I have never placed one. I believe that God hears every little beat of our heart. If you could only know how many times your heart beats and that God has a count of each one of them and of how fondly He listens to each beat then perhaps you would never ever go to the petition box. If He has a count of your heartbeat and a count on the number of hair on our head, then wouldn’t He know what our heart desires and every little wish we have or make? Wouldn’t you just want to whisper out your prayer and leave it to Him?

I have watched God in every phase of my life and in and through my family. We have had our shares of troubles. I have in this letter and in the parts of it mentioned everything that God has bought to my mind. In our struggles as a family, I have seen God work mightily. I will always with the grace of God remember with gratitude everything He has done. I would never put a petition in the box when I know His heart beats in mine.

There are two people who write down, the prayers that have just been (according to them) answered by God or something that needs to be prayed for. They seem to write this when people are praying. When they write, they speak for God (that is what they think) and tell when people are wrong, that they need to do the retreat and also speak with Fr. Ashlyn. And Fr. Ashlyn reads it out to the people.

Fr. Ashlyn always reads these from a book or papers (prayers heard or need to be prayed) they have written in, at the end to which everyone in the presence of the Holy Eucharist applauds as is told after each and every statement that is read. I have never applauded because it was a matter of belief. 

You don’t need two people to tell or convince you that God has heard your prayer. It's not a magic show. You have to be convinced that the very first time you prayed, God has heard your prayer and answered it. It won’t happen on your time, but in God’s time. And isn’t that wonderful.

Isn’t the Christmas Season - The Birth of Jesus, just that? God’s timing.

 

I pray Lord that I could be helpful, may I be of use to You! Luke 17:10 - So you also, when you have done all that is commanded you, say, ‘We are unworthy servants; we have only done what was our duty.’” 

Please also continue to read: Wrestle with God...

Wrestle with God...

The episode of Jacob’s wrestling - Genesis 32:24-30

24 And Jacob was left alone; and a man wrestled with him until the breaking of the day. 25 When the man saw that he did not prevail against Jacob, he touched the hollow of his thigh; and Jacob's thigh was put out of joint as he wrestled with him. 26 Then he said, "Let me go, for the day is breaking." But Jacob said, "I will not let you go, unless you bless me." 27 And he said to him, "What is your name?" And he said, "Jacob." 28 Then he said, "Your name shall no more be called Jacob, but Israel, for you have striven with God and with men, and have prevailed." 29 Then Jacob asked him, "Tell me, I pray, your name." But he said, "Why is it that you ask my name?" And there he blessed him. 30 So Jacob called the name of the place Peni'el, saying, "For I have seen God face to face, and yet my life is preserved."

There are times when God releases His blessings on us after a season of prolonged and even painful wrestling with Him. This is Jacob’s struggle with God.

Jacob’s life story is one of deception in an attempt to make things work out in his favour, by his own strength.
Jacob has deprived his twin brother Esau of his birth-right and then, by trickery, managed to receive the blessing from his father Isaac, taking advantage of his blindness. Jacob is on his way back home to Canaan with his wives and children after a twenty year stay in Paddan-aram. And he is scared to death, because his estranged brother, Esau, is coming to meet him with four hundred men. So after splitting up his household into two camps to try and avoid complete destruction, Jacob, intends to spend the night in prayer.

Jacob enters his brother’s territory thinking to take Esau by surprise. Jacob was alone by the river. Jacob is assaulted by a strange man who engages him in a prolonged struggle, wrestling with him all night beside the river Jabbok thereby interrupting his plans. Unarmed, Jacob wrestles unable to see his opponent clearly. At some point during this contest Jacob realizes that he is wrestling God.

And when God decides it’s time to end the match, the Angel dislocates Jacob’s hip and demands to be released. It is God’s way of showing Jacob that he is not strong enough to win. To strike the hip or thigh indicates total superiority. The Angel is bringing Jacob to a place of brokenness. The reason for dislocating the hip, Jacob’s refusal to quit and his determination to keep on in his own strength. This is a wound that leaves Jacob limping as a reminder of the intensity of the struggle. 

Jacob wins! But HOW does he win? He wins by being broken.

And Jacob, in significant pain, replies, “I will not let you go unless you bless me” Genesis 32:26.

When Jacob’s thigh is wounded, he realizes his opponent’s strength and appeals to him for a blessing. The Angel, asks: “What is your name?” And the Patriarch replies: “Jacob”. (Jacob the grabber, Jacob the deceiver, Jacob the cheater) When, therefore, in answer to the unknown person’s request Jacob discloses his own name, he is placing himself in the hands of his opponent; it is a form of surrender, a total handing over of self to the other.
(It was the Angel of God with whom Jacob actually wrestled. Jacob asked to know the man's name. Then the Angel says: "Why is it that you ask my name?" and the name remains undisclosed.)

This response clearly pleases God, who pronounces this blessing on Jacob: “Your name shall no longer be called Jacob [deceiver], but Israel, for you have striven with God and with men, and have prevailed” Genesis 32:28.
One who is powerful with God?
One who is favored by God?
One who prevails with God?

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My struggle date 01 July, 2017 - 11 September, 2018.

https://godofimpossibles.blogspot.com/2018/08/to-sense-1.html
19th June, 2018 - I am told to go to my seat and without being prayed over. As is my habit, I visit St. Peter’s Church. I am at the grotto. I pray to Mama Mary, asking for help as the load of insults seem to be growing with the day.
I enter the Church and I pray to Jesus asking for His help, I tell Jesus it is too much to bear. The insults are too much. And then I am made to remember-Jesus had much to bear and I say, Your will be done.
Due to the job training, I missed the celebration of the mass on 3 Sundays. I felt really miserable.
Jesus had previously told me I would need to make the confession when I got the first opportunity to do so. Jesus would not hold it to my heart. But I had to obey.
And today when I got up to leave St. Peter’s Church, I saw the Priest coming to the confessional. I walked in a haste towards the Priest. I waited for him to sit and then I saw that all was not well with him so I gave him time to adjust and then I asked him if i could make my confession. I felt the presence of a Bishop. I have never done this before. And today I asked of a Priest to know his name. He is Fr. Oscar Rosario. (Resembles Oscar Romero)
Fr. Oscar asked for my whole name. I gave him my name too.
He had a terrible cold, was sick and had just come to sit at the confessional. He was feeling weak but he assured me that he was getting well. I told him that I had gone to St. Josephs for the prayer service and I had come to St. Peter’s and I told him what Jesus had asked me to do, and that he was my first opportunity. I told him, You are Jesus. I told him, You saved me.
Oscar Romero was there. I don’t know why. I am a wretched sinner. I am nothing, I am dust and to dust I will return. 


Day 15th May, 2018 - I was told to stand separately. I stood for so long feeling all so humiliated everyone looking at me like why are you still standing there. When Fr. Ashlyn finished praying over others, he walked off as if I was not there. I spoke aloud and asked for his blessings. He did not pray over me but he was forced to give his blessings. Test of patience-all that matters is that I got the blessings of God after the humiliation. Worth it!

I hope you understand what I mention here. God gives us a chance to wrestle with Him, it gets personal and God strengthens us beyond our own imagination. Each day is a revelation of the wonderfulness of God.

I thank God, that I had a wonderful teacher as Fr. Ashlyn, who taught us how to read the Bible and he prayed over us. He taught us to come and sit with Jesus in silence. I am forever grateful to God. I have written of Fr. Ashlyn only as instructed by God. To the glory of God the Father, to the glory of the Son of God and to the glory of the Holy Spirit.

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Therefore, at the end of the struggle, having received the blessing, the Patriarch can finally recognize the God of blessings: he says, “I have seen God face to face, and yet my life is preserved” v. 30, the bearer of a new name, conquered by God and marked forever, limping because of the injury he received.

And, Jacob, renames the place where he wrestled with God as Peniel, which means: “God-face to Face”. Whoever abandons himself to God, permits himself to be transformed by God. And if the object of one’s desire is a relationship with God, then the struggle cannot fail.

Jacob limps to his reunion with Esau with a strengthened faith. 

Blessings through Wrestling:-Jacob began the night fearing Esau’s arrival. But the night of struggle ended with God’s blessing and a renewed faith. 

God addressed Jacob’s fear by requiring him to wrestle all night. The injury that Jacob sustained made him vulnerable to Esau, forcing Jacob’s faith to more fully rest on God and not himself. If necessary, God will cause us to limp to increase our faith. Jacob began a new walk. His limping did not cause him to fear. He no longer relied on his strength or his abilities. Jacob relied on God. But after wrestling with God-“He himself (Jacob) passed on ahead of them and bowed down seven times before Esau.” Genesis 33:3

Wrestling with God, turned out to be a gracious gift of restoration that God gave Jacob. When God calls us to wrestle with Him, we are transformed for good. He has more blessings for us in the wrestling than without it.

Remember, God pursued Jacob for this match. God was the initiator. Jacob was fearful and anxious over his meeting with Esau when God showed up. And the wrestling drew Jacob out of his fearful thoughts and forced him to focus on God. What he discovered was that the wrestling was a means of God’s grace on him. 

Do not let God go until He blesses you!

 

God will meet you in your fear, and uncertainty. Your greatest ally may show up looking at first like your opponent, urging you to wrestle with him. Don't be afraid.

Remember, Jacob. There are multiple blessings in the wrestling. You may not get words of comfort, I could hardly believe the words I heard or for that matter the treatment I received. But what I needed is God’s blessing!

So when God calls you to wrestle with Him, it is an invitation to receive His blessing. Stay with Him and don’t give up. 

Hosea 12:4 states-there were tears of exertion involved in Jacob's supreme struggle that night, and that he moved forward in humility and blessing to fulfill what had been promised him.

The midnight striving is meant to wound and change us, for the better, for it is always God with whom we ultimately wrestle. There is a blessing in every struggle; we only have to ask.

We overcome Him when we yield. And God prevails when we prevail. His victory is our yielding. 

'Abide with me, oh Lord.' 'I will not let Thee go, except Thou bless me,'

Sometimes God forces us to wrestle with HIM.