Saturday, August 4, 2018

To Sense... 1

My People,

Hello! To me the whole journey of Love began when I was in the third year of school. Number 3 signifies the Holy-Trinity.
As Shakespeare did say, 'The course of true love never did run smooth.'

"If I give away all I have, and if I deliver my body to be burned, but have not love, I gain nothing." 1 Corinthians 13:3

What is a love song and what does it do to your heart? Love is unfathomable, it is infinite, it is indestructible and it is eternal. This is ‘Endless Love’ and this is to You with all my love. There is only YOU!

My love
There's only you in my life
The only thing that's bright
My first love
You're every breath that I take
You're every step I make
And I - I
I want to share
All my love with you
No one else will do
And your eyes
Your eyes, your eyes
They tell me how much you care
Oh yes, you will always be
My endless love
Two hearts
Two hearts that beat as one
Our lives have just begun
Forever Oh
I'll hold you close in my arms
I can't resist your charms
And love Oh, love
I'll be a fool
For you I'm sure
You know I don't mind
Oh, you know I don't mind
'Cause you, you mean the world to me, oh
I know I know
I've found in you
My endless love

Oh, and love

Oh, love
I'll be that fool for you, I'm sure
You know I don't mind
Oh you know
I don't mind
And, yes, you'll be the only one
'Cause no one can deny
This love I have inside
And I'll give it all to you
My love
My love, my love
My endless love

I have always wondered what 11:22 meant. Some years back I came across this - Jesus answered them, “Have faith in God. Mark 11:22
This is what I found and understood 3-4 months back. The white smoke first rose from the chimney of the Sistine Chapel at 11:22 am, Cardinal Alfredo Ottaviani announced to the public the successful election of Pope Paul VI.
My favourite animal is the lion and my brother Adrian’s is the Horse. But after my brother went to be with the Lord, I considered both of them as my favourites. When I see Horses that moment is just so magical to me. I always knew those moments to be mysterious but now I understand it is my Pope Paul VI who is with me. I love you with all my heart Pope Paul VI.

I suffer from Asthma-a breathing problem. Of late it’s gotten a lot severe.
One of my topics was Transfiguration. Rebuke-5 Peter
Now please read the below with context to the above-underlined.

In the evening (before his call to Heaven) Pope Paul VI watched a Western on TV, happy only when he saw "horses, the most beautiful animals that God had created." He had breathing problems and needed oxygen. On Sunday, at the Feast of the Transfiguration, he was tired, but wanted to say the Angelus.

This is Pope Paul VI telling me in all ways-that he is with me.
My Pope Paul VI  

Fr. Alvaro in his homily mentions that Mary and Joseph are Perfect Saints (as line in the celebration of the mass says Joseph and Mary). Fr. Alvaro confirms my dedication with calling out the name of Pope Paul VI date 15th April 2018. 
I updated my letter 'The celebration of the Mass' on April the 16th, with my dedication to Pope Paul VI as confirmed by God through Fr. Alvaro. 

It has been most difficult for me to walk. When I go to Church, I often wonder how I will get back home. The breathing becomes very tiring.
I have been very sick, God has been lenient on me. I am given breaks whenever I tire down.
It has taken me very a long time (couple of months) to write. My pattern of writing a letter, it has changed and the only reason being my health. God has advised me to put forth the message in parts so it wouldn't be too much on my health. 
Jesus has promised me complete restoration. I don't know how or when. I believe it will happen not a minute early and not one second late. 

A lump in the throat. Our lady of Lourdes.
When Ruby spoke - one of the Tuesdays on her being sick, I remembered that I once had a huge lump to the left of my throat. My mom took me to a MD, who diagnosed it as TB. The reason he said a surgery would be needed immediately and infact he called me the very next day, was because the lump was too big and it was 2 weeks old. I believed in Our Lady and wore her medal round my neck. The lump disappeared that very night. I never went back to the doctor. I know I was forever cured. 

29th March, 2018 – Maundy Thursday.
08:00 p.m. – The Celebration of the Mass.
Fr. Reuben, Fr. Leonard, Fr. Daniel, Fr. Alvaro and Fr. Peter Lobo.
Theme: Love in Action. Fr. Reuben.

30th March, 2018 – Good Friday Serivce.
06:00 p.m. – The Service.
Fr. Daniel, Fr. Reuben, Fr. Leonard, Fr. Alvaro and Fr. Peter Lobo.
The Passion was sung by our very own Priests, Fr. Reuben, Fr. Leonard and Fr. Daniel.
It was wonderful, something that I will never forget.
Focus: Suffering. I did not think that Fr. Daniel could talk as much as he did, which is a good surprise. It was good listening.

31st March, 2018 – Holy Saturday.
At the end of the 15th station, Fr. Reuben mentions the words ‘Endles Love’ a confirmation to the song above.
07:30 a.m. An hour with our Lady.
On a Saturday morning, I sat from where I watched the casket of Jesus. The procedure hasn't changed, maybe we don’t realize, it did not occur to me either. I never go to the casket, I just look at Jesus from afar.
Whatever the reason for the collection, it simply is not the right way.
No matter whichever funeral you or I have been to, I don’t think we have seen a casket where there are money box kept inside of it on the right and left side each. To me it looked like if you miss the box on the right then you put the money into the left. Does that sound like anything from any of the funerals we have been to? I don’t think we would have it for any of our loved ones, would we? But for Jesus, we have two money box. Is that right?
We come together to be with Mary on this Holy Saturday. We come to be in her pain. A mother has lost her only innocent Son. He was brutally killed. We are here to show our thankfulness to our Mother, we are here to be in her pain. But we fail so miserably. And how do we come to be, the same thing, a money box there too. Does putting money in the box comfort a broken hearted mother, then I think we must follow this practise for all of our relationships, for all the loved ones we lose? I wonder would we be so polite to sit and be quiet. I certainly hope not. I see every one go to kiss Jesus and then their hand goes to the money box. Same with Mary, how is it we show our love to Mary, put money in the money box. I never realized this before, maybe you haven’t too. But would this be right? I don’t know what collection this is. I know of the Good Friday collection that supports Church in the Holy Land-No arguments there, I am in obedience.
No matter what the reason for the Holy Saturday collection, this is simply not the right way. Wake up!

Easter Vigil.
08:00 p.m. – The Celebration of the Mass.
Fr. Reuben, Fr. Leonard, Fr. Daniel, Fr. Alvaro and Fr. Peter Lobo.
Fr. Reuben sang (I don’t know the term), but it was really beautiful. It was like as if someone had switched on my kind of music. But here I was in the presence of God. God is Magnificent. He is Awesome, Spectacular. He moved my heart to a moment, I forgot every worldly thing. Fr. Reuben has a warm-hearted voice, something that remains with you.

1st April, 2018 – Easter Mass. 10:15 am
Fr. Reuben. I enjoyed the mass. 

Easter Vigil - During the celebration of the mass and after the Holy Communion, Fr. Reuben made an announcement that there was going to be a presentation on PowerPoint. The presentation was on the Cross that was held during the Fridays of Lent. Ideally the choice of song-if added should have been a hymn-a praise and worship.
The music that was played with the PPT was too loud and there was an elderly woman sitting in the earlier row who shivered completely due to the volume and impact of the music. The song played was ‘Eye of the Tiger’ - It is an uplifting song, no doubt. I myself like the song. But played aloud, it can give a heart-attack to the elderly. There was no thought given to that. But that would be my second point.
The person playing the song, did not even know the importance of the celebration of the mass. I think the Priest was too trusting to let a lay person have a say in the celebration of the mass. And that should never be. You never play a song like ‘Eye of the Tiger’ during the celebration of the mass. Infact other than a hymn there must never be any kind of song played. Here is Jesus, the whole of Heaven at the celebration of the mass and the song is given more precedence than Jesus–Himself who we have just received in Holy Communion. The message we give to the world is that the show must go on and Jesus must take the back seat. It’s not my choice of words but the ones who backed that presentation for the music being played. That choice is to be blamed. It showed no reverence to God and sincerely needs to be questioned? It is when we the people opted God as our second choice. We have forgotten that God must be our first priority-ABOVE and BEYOND!

It is a shame, we don’t behave like CHRIST at all.
I think by the time the song ended I was very disappointed with the whole thing. Just before the blessing, Fr. Reuben uttered a part of what his homily was on ‘We are all fools.’ My heart could not take that-yes he is right, I am a fool for Christ.

"Take up your Cross and follow Me," says the Lord. Better to be taken as a fool and enter Heaven than to be thought wise and suffer for eternity.

In Matthew’s Gospel, Jesus uses the harsh rebuke “Woe to you…” seven times in a row in reference to the scribes and Pharisees. He also calls them “blind guides,” “hypocrites,” “whitewashed tombs,” “serpents,” “brood of vipers,” and “murderers.” Jesus could not be any clearer about His harsh rebukes of these religious leaders. Jesus was harsh toward the scribes and Pharisees because they were misleading people in the name of God.

Sometimes, some people have an inflated ego. They believe they are far superior to the people around them. Maybe they have certain gifts that make them outshine others.
Let’s call this person with a superior complex – Type A.
There are times when Type A people demean us. These people over a period of time cause irreparable damage to a person by their behaviour. All this treatment can sometimes make a person so stubborn. This person who ends up feeling inferior and helpless – Type B.
The Type B personality has been terribly humiliated. Stubbornness has made him blind. He wants to become the person that he once thought he would never dream to be.
So you have a really nice-sweet, kind and gentle, gem of a person become a - I want to achieve everything kind of …… Overnight there are drastic changes. A person who once shied away – is now become insulting, rude and unkind and he sees no wrong in his action towards others and before God.
And the other scenario is of a person who has gone through insults too. But his focus is not on what people do to him but what the love of God has taught him. He learns to be more giving, loving-kind and reaching out to people. He becomes God-centric.
Please treat people kind. Each of us is answerable to God for the things we do to people and what they become. 

18th February, 2018 – Fr. Lenny. 10:15 am
Fr. Leonard N. says we need to do what God calls us to do. God has been telling me for so long, with Fr. Leonard saying it was just a confirmation.
Thank You, Abba Father.
Thank You, Jesus.
Thank You, Holy Spirit.

25th February, 2018 – Fr. Reuben. 10:15 am
I enjoyed the celebration of the mass. I enjoyed the homily. I loved every bit. It was good and I will never forget. I may have got the date wrong, but my goodness I can still hear Fr. Reuben talk.
Romans 8:31-If God is for us, who can be against.(Fr. Reuben had a Thunderous effect. I was lifted in ways that I needed someone to.)
Thank You, Abba Father.
Thank You, Jesus.
Thank You, Holy Spirit.
Near the Church gate I saw a vehicle ‘REUBEN’ services. It’s the same vehicle I see down my kitchen window at home (my parent’s home). I see it so often. It means something though I don’t know what.

4th March, 2018 – Fr. Leonard N (Lenny) 10:15 am
Fr. Leonard spoke that parents should bring about their children with the responsibility of inculcating proper faith. Children will follow what they watch their parents do. I agree.

16-26th April, 2018,
Celebration of the mass Fr. Joe and Bishop of Nasik. I think the day is the 19th a Thursday, though I am not so sure.

20th May, 2018 – Pentecost
10:15 am - Fr. Reuben
The celebration of the mass was totally beautiful - It was in a good pace. I enjoyed the mass so much. It felt wonderful and peaceful. I felt totally good.

27th May, 2018 – The Most Holy Trinity.
09:15 am Fr. Leonard and Fr. Reuben mass.
Fr. Leonard moves to his new parish at Kurla.
10:15 am - Fr. Reuben
I enjoyed both celebrations of the mass.

30th May and 31st May, 2018.
Fr. Leonard’s mass. I will miss his presence in Mt. Carmel’s.
To one of the simplest person I know.
May joy and good health be your friend in whatever you do
And may trouble be always a stranger to you.
Fr. Leonard, wishing you well on your journey.

24th June – The feast of St. John the Baptist.
10:15 a.m. – Fr. Christopher
I loved the way Fr. Christopher rendered the homily on John the Baptist. 

30th January, 2018. (I am not sure on the date). After the prayer service at St. Josephs, I visit St. Peter’s and then I visit Jesus at Mt. Carmel’s. On one such visit, I met ------ outside the prayer room and he asked me to come for the prayer meeting. At first I was undecided. And then I saw L (the singer-from the retreat which I attended last July in Amboli). I spoke with Jesus and left with Jesus permission.
I was fed up listening to him the last time. I prayed that he would shut up. I know it sounds rude. What am I to do, if things sounded really bad? Am I to say that it was good? I can’t do that. Singing was okay but not him talking. There were I think about 15 women or so at the retreat. This person mentions that there are women in the room who have done abortion and then he talks like he actually knows what their feelings are. I mean there were so many things he continued to speak like he was sensing them. And that too in the presence of the ‘Holy Eucharist’-in the presence of Jesus. All this talk of his seemed too much for me, I felt sick.

The Spirit of God, will not reveal those things to a person so that they can put it so crudely to discriminate somebody or anybody. When the Spirit speaks there is no condemnation. The Spirit of God will always correct us if we are willing to learn.

During Holy Hour (Adoration) he asked the people to go ahead and touch the Holy Eucharist (in the absence of a Priest). That was clearly not his call at all. A Priest can do that, if he feels so-I guess, I am not sure on this. But one thing I do know is that no lay man or woman can tell people to walk on the Altar and touch Jesus.
After the retreat as I was passing by I spoke to him. I did not sense anything. I just thanked and left.
I have been told to write on this since a long time, ever since the retreat, but not knowing if it was my feeling alone, I kept pushing it away. And then I saw him in the prayer room. Now I know.

Every gift is unique. One can’t envy what someone else has and make believe that one has it too. 

6th February, 2018. Prayer at St. Joseph’s - Sr. Cynthia. Absence of Fr. Ashlyn.

13th February, 2018. Prayer at St. Joseph’s. 
At around 03:15-03:20 one of the windows to where I was seated slightly shut off. I got up to adjust it. I was screamed at in the presence of Jesus and told to sit down. I could do no wrong. I cried my heart out.
I took my prayer to Abba Father and I asked for Jesus. I did not hesitate, nor stopped with my words. To the world what I prayed would only seem foolish. But my heart sees no folly. It only loves and desires to be with the One I love.
I spoke, I told Jesus this is coming from You-You have permitted it. I dare to ask for You and I desire You and I ask for You completely. I love You and I know to me it sounds what am I asking? And yet I dare to stand and ask for what my heart desires. Only You, are every desire of mine. You fill my heart completely.
When leaving I found myself not keeping well at all. I found it difficult to get up from where I was seated.
For days there was a silence that left me feeling completely lonely. And then in my heart, I knew I had dared to ask for something that if not pushed by Jesus I would never ask?
This too, Jesus made me realize later.

14th February, 2018 – 5:30 pm Mass. Fr. Joe.
Ash Wednesday – Application of ash by Fr. Joe. 
I am most happy when I see Fr. Joe. Jesus knows that.

15th February, 2018. I am not keeping well and this is since the 13th. It’s not the physical sickness.
I cannot take so much… At around 09:00 in the night, I carry my purse and am out walking. This is something I have never done and I now reach St. Peters and make my way to Jesus. I am very much troubled. Everything in my life is a struggle. I have perfect strangers come up only to speak bitter words and leave. I don’t see the connection to what they do, but they make it their motto to hurt my feelings. Talk about being insulted from people I have just met. Does it make sense? I find myself confused. I speak nothing to offend. I speak not a word sometimes and off they will go with saying something that stings. I always wonder what did just happen. If I have to sum up the hurtful words, then I would say I meet mean and nasty people, all the time.
What comes easily to others, I have to work real hard for the same. I don’t remember any instance where something has worked the way I wished it would. See things are always difficult for me. When really troubled I cry bitterly but today that too was not happening. No tears just a heartache.
I walked a lot. The prayer room at St. Peter’s closes at 09:45 as per the security guard. He came to close earlier, I asked if he was to leave for home, he could go ahead and close. He told me no, he had to leave at 10:00-so he left it open. I left at 09:41 and thanked him. I walked to the station and back and then to Almeida Park. God alone knows how many circles I walked. When walking I spoke with God letting Him know-I said ‘You have abandoned me. I will not abandon You. I love You with all my heart.’
(I know God never abandons-even when saying that I knew, but the pain was so unbearable, death always seems better).

20th Feb, 2018. Prayer at St. Joseph’s – I did not attend as I was completely sick.

27th Feb, 2018. Prayer at St. Joseph’s - Fr. Ashlyn.
Fr. Ashlyn taps the Cross on my head.
Have I told you, that I think way more than I speak? I don’t know where life is leading me to. But I believe it is a good place. I believe not one minute early and not one second late.
Jesus reminds me to ask from Abba Father. Jesus insists that I persist in asking. I keep asking from Abba Father.
Our way of speaking and the way God responds, is a whole new world. A world that is kind, courteous, gentle, loving and full of compassion. God treats me kind and never once did I ever hear a condemning word. For the way we treat each other as humans we need to learn from God.
When I speak with Abba Father, I always say how sorry I am for all the wrongs I have done. And in all our conversations, Abba Father would tell me my slate is clean. And then just the last week I said 'I am sorry Abba Father for all the sins I have committed' and Abba Father’s reply was, ‘I don’t remember.’ For a moment I was shocked then I realized what Abba Father has been telling me through time. I have learnt I am forgiven.
I have learnt that the more hurt you are and the more people hurt you, you need to get up from the hurt, not as a bitter, lonely person but rather as a person who will love even more than before being hurt. Each time I am hurt I want to love even more than before, I want to be kinder and more affectionate and love even more. I learn from Abba Father. My, Abba-Father!

6th March, 2018 - Tuesday-Rested on God’s Approval.
13th March, 2018 - Tuesday-Rested on God’s Approval.
20th March, 2018 - Tuesday-Rested on God’s Approval.
27th March, 2018 - Tuesday-Rested on God’s Approval.
3rd April, 2018 - Tuesday-Rested on God’s Approval.
10th April, 2018 - Tuesday-Rested on God’s Approval.
7th April, 2018 - 1st Saturday-Rested on God’s Approval.

17th April, 2018 – Prayer service, St. Joseph.
24th April, 2018 - Prayer service, St. Joseph.
1st May, 2018 - Prayer service, St. Joseph.
8th May, 2018 - Prayer service, St. Joseph.
15th May, 2018 - Prayer service, St. Joseph.
Test of patience and blessing-it is the wait that has been long. The will of God.

22nd May, 2018 - Prayer service, St. Joseph.
Mother of the Church. Mass celebrated - Fr. Ashlyn.

29th May, 2018 - Prayer service, St. Joseph.
5th June, 2018 - Prayer service, St. Joseph. 
12th June, 2018 - Prayer service, St. Joseph.
Celebration Mass-Feast of St. Anthony. (13th June)

From the 2nd of June to the 17th of June, I will be in job training. It’s something that is new to me and something that I love to venture on. Of course it is with the will of God in it that I must proceed. I am delighted.
First Saturday, the 2nd of June-I will miss. As approved by God for me to do this training.

19th June, 2018 - Prayer service, St. Joseph.
Humiliated once again. As is my habit, I visit St. Peter’s Church. I am at the grotto. I pray to Mama Mary, asking for help as the load of insults seem to be growing with the day.
I enter the Church and I pray to Jesus asking for His help, I tell Jesus it is too much to bear. The insults are too much. And then I am made to remember-Jesus had much to bear and I say, Your will be done.
The first three weeks of June, I had to attend the job training. I missed the celebration of the mass on 3 Sundays. The very first Sunday, I missed was enough to make me feel really miserable. Fr. Reuben in his homily was kind enough to explain my concern (of what he was not aware) and address the matter which had me worried, because I missed what I did not want to.
Jesus told me at the time, what I would need to do is make the confession when I got the first opportunity to do so. Jesus would not hold it to my heart. But I had to obey.
And today when I got up to leave St. Peter’s Church, I saw the Priest coming to the confessional. I walked in a haste towards the Priest. I waited for him to sit and then I saw that all was not well with him so I gave him time to adjust and then I asked him if i could make my confession. I felt the presence of a Bishop. I have never done this before. And today I asked of a Priest to know his name. He is Fr. Oscar Rosario. (Resembles Oscar Romero)
He had a terrible cold, was sick and had just come to sit at the confessional. He was feeling weak but he assured me that he was getting well. I told him that I had gone to St. Josephs for the prayer service and I had come to St. Peter’s and I told him what Jesus had asked me to do, and that he was my first opportunity. I told him, You are Jesus. I told him, You saved me.

Oscar Romero was there. I don’t know why. I am a wretched sinner. I am nothing, I am dust and to dust I will return. 

07:30 p.m. mass at Mt. Carmel Church. Fr. Christopher
Holy hour – I sat for some time and left.

26th June, 2018 - Tuesday-Rested on God’s Approval.
3rd July, 2018 - Tuesday-Rested on God’s Approval.

10th July, 2018 - Prayer service, St. Joseph.
17th July, 2018 - Tuesday-Rested on God’s Approval.
24th July, 2018 - Tuesday-Rested on God’s Approval.
31st July, 2018 - Tuesday-Rested on God’s Approval.

Did not attend for the month of April-as approved by GOD.
5th May, 2018. First Saturday-Our Lady of Fatima.
I kept repeatedly praying that I did not want to go back. I whispered ‘Your will be done.’ Please God, fill me with Your grace. It is difficult yet again. L-R.

7th July, 2018. First Saturday-Our Lady of Fatima.
No matter what, someone will always find a way to hurt. It does not end. TopL. I sense-the sensing.

3rd February, 2018. First Saturday-Our Lady of Fatima. Fr. Ashlyn’s absence. The first Priest was with us through the day. And the second Priest celebrated the mass. St. Blaise feast-throat blessing. It was a good day.

3rd March, 2018. First Saturday-Our Lady of Fatima.
I am disappointed. I just slumped down to the chair. Nothing made sense, I did not want to be there anymore. I did not sing at all.  
When one does something out of the love one has for God, one does not need to speak of their greatness-no matter what the age. One needs to magnify God and not one self no matter what the reason or condition is. Temptations will come and they always look right. But there is a right moment and a wrong moment, a right way and a wrong way. And if fame is what we seek, that is what we will choose, the wrong thing, the wrong time the wrong way.
All glory must proceed from the heart and must proclaim God’s greatness. All glory must proceed with all knowledge from our heart and mind acknowledging Him. Therefore I must cease to exist. John 3:30 states-He must increase, but I must decrease."
When one looks for ways to propagate oneself, one cannot say they did it for the glory of God. That would be a lie.
When we as a people, come to praise and worship, we may sing for what 2 minutes the song of Praise, but then we end up wanting to dance and sing and clap hands and move to our neighbours and smile at them, shake hands with them, tap our feet maybe. All this makes us feel good. We basically do it for ourselves. It is the feel good factor. So if the praise and worship is for an hour and we really from our hearts sing His praises only 2-3 minutes, hypothetically speaking, then doesn’t God fill us with so much of His goodness just for that praise?
So how is it that we fail to see His goodness and fail to trust Him? We are ready to sing and so unwilling to believe though we can speak of Him that may make someone else to believe, but we have it not? Why is that?

Is it so difficult to WAIT on the Lord?

The question is always of the wait isn’t it? We want things our way our time. So when we see a way, we grab the opportunity to make things happen, not trusting in God and His dream for us. Because you see, my fellow brethren it is not just you or I dream. Though we are all dreamers. And dreams are good. But our God dreams for us the things that we dare not think, because you see we will think too small but our God in Heaven does not see and think like us. God dreams big for you and me. This is what Abba Father tells me all the time. He want have me speak to Him any other way, so I’m still and forever stuck being the 9 year old that I am. To Him I will always be His child, He has me in His heart, that’s what Abba Father always tells me.

I believe everything is Possible to Our God of the IMPOSSIBLES!
Please don’t just speak, BELIEVE!

Please continue to read:  

This is the second part to the above letter.

Please also do read:
This letter - To Sense... Part 1 and 2 includes all the below topics.